i was going through some of my friend's blogs.. then i realize, i've been complaining way too much.. how can i be so blind.. i've been lucky for so long.. see, i have my mother.. my crazy-OCD mother..haha (she laughs everytime i call her that) somehow, i never really showed her that i love her and appreciate everything that she does for me.. she gave up her whole life for her children.. especially me..i know that for a fact.. i've been jealous of my friends and sometimes say that they are so much luckier than me.. guess what liya, you were blind!! stupid!! look around you.. my friends lost their mother.. some seperated, and some, well, lets just say Death took them.. i still have my mother with me..in fact, my whole family is still together.. i know sometimes she made decisions for me that ended up with something i dont like.. but hey, look at where i am now.. she made me this way.. i should thank her.. i wouldnt be standing here if it wasnt for her.. she gave me everything that i need..no, MORE than what i actually need.. she gave me a luxurious life at the same time teaching me about life the hard way.. if i dont complaint too much, maybe i would have the room to see that all she is trying to do is just to prepare me for a lifetime ahead of me.. she wouldnt be around all the time, right? somehow im crying while writing this.. damn. i fight with her all the time. i make fun of her, laugh at her and laugh with her all the time too.. we cant help it..we need to fight and argue..haha..its a weird way of bonding..lol.. anyway, i always tell her to give up on trying to win in arguements with me cuz its like talking to a mirror.. yes mama, im ur reflection..haha..im turning out to be just like you kan ma? im proud of that. i know i said that i hate you and we fight all the time.. i just want you to know that deep down inside me, you're my idol.. the only one i look up to. nobody can ever top you in my life. nobody. i just wish and really hoping that i will turn out to be like you. pray for me k mama? you're in the hospital right now. waiting for surgery. preparing yourself. i know that by now, you're probably telling yourself everything will be ok. you're talking to yourself kan? hehe. i know you. trust me ma, the surgery will go well and you'll be up and running again in no time. well, not running la cuz u wont even jog. pemalas. haha. ok, you'll be up and ready for you OCD rituals again. hehe. i know its just a small and minor surgery, but i cant help feeling scared. i love you. i need you to know that. i need you to know that im sorry for all the harsh things that came out from my stupid mouth and all the rude behavior and everything lah..im sorry..
ma, acik sayang mama. mama ingat tu tau. memang kadang2 acik suka cari pasal dengan mama, tapi acik bukan tak sayang mama. mama tu yang garang sangat. suka marah tak tentu pasal. sebab tu la acik kata mama ni my crazy OCD mother. :) mama jangan takut tau, acik tau mama takut. sebab tu mama tak bagi acik or adik ikot abah pi tengok mama kat hospital kan? mama x payah takot. mama kuat la. macam2 mama dah buat. acik tau mama mesti ok punya. acik nak mintak ampun sebab acik kena balik melaka hari ni. mama surgery hari ni tapi acik kena balik. acik ada banyak kerja nak kena buat. sori ma.. sori sangat2.. tapi acik dah mintak izin mama nak bertolak hari ni kan? mama pun dah cakap OK. nanti acik sampai acik bagitau abah. acik tak speed kali ni. promise. acik bawak slow2. acik rindu mama. x sempat nak peluk ma sebelum ma pi hospital haritu. :'( nanti after surgery, mama dh sedar nanti ma call acik tau. acik tunggu. tadi kan kita dah sms. acik tunggu k? ma, memang acik nampak macam acik yang paling keras dalam family kita. to be honest, its just a cover up. i dont want people to see me vulnerable. ego acik ja tinggi. i can do anything as long as i put my mind to it. you know that kan ma? memang acik kuat. macam mama jugak. tapi, just like yourself, i cry when im alone. yes, i do cry. i just dont let people see me crying. i want to make people happy. thats my mission in life. tp kan ma, acik sayang orang, buat baik kat orang, orang lansung tak appreciate. mama dengan abah slalu pesan, treat people as how you want to be treated. but they never treat me like how i treat them. i guess people are still blindkan ma? biar la. janji acik tau acik tak salah. yang penting, acik nak make mama, abah, along and adik proud of me. acik tak kisah apa orang lain nak cakap. biar la. ill prove to you one day that im worth something, i can be someone, i will make my mark in this life. i'll live further up than people's expactations of me. and i'll do all that for you mama. for our family. just like how you do everything for our family. i love you ma. so much.
