Michael Jackson & Indonesia

Nope. don’t assume that those two are connected. I’m compiling all my MJ videos and mp3s and organizing them according to all 16 albums. yup, all of them. haha. yes people, i am an obsessed fan. always have been, always will be. hehe. and i am going off to Indonesia. Jakarta and Bandung. not a complete holiday. I'm on a business trip with my mother, at the same time its my holiday. I'll be interviewing those short-listed students like I've said before. Then I’ll be having a dinner with the Chairman of Sahid Jaya. after all that, then its fun time. don’t worry people, you don’t have to remind me.. Rumah Mode is on the top of my list. not really. haha. im more excited about sightseeing then shopping. cant wait for the volcano craters. woot!! aite peeps. im out. ill be back next week. bye~

Checklist..

I need to get everything done as quickly as possible. What to do? Here is the list.

1. buy 2 pcs RAM 2GB for my laptop (pasang sendiri la jwbnye)

2. buy 8GB CF card

3. buy another external hard drive + pendrive (i lost mine during finals)

4. send out my NOKIA for repair

5. send out my stickers for printing

6. clean up my study room and my bedroom

7. pack for melaka

8. final clean up for my laptop

 

get them done cepat! GO! GO! GO!

if you want me…

If you want me, a cherry on top, the pick of the peck,
The crème de la crop.
If you want me you better do better than that tonight.
Oh, Oh.
If you want me, it takes more than a wink,
And more than a drink, more than you think.
If you want me you're gunna have to break the bank, tonight.
Cuz some don't have the patience, some call me high-maintenance
But you pay the bill, cuz, that's the deal.

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you want me, I'm not a piece of ass, a one night stand, a storage shit
I think you better walk by, tonight
Oh, no.
If you want me, then stop begging I don't put out for charity
If you want me there's no discount price tonight
But I don't need your dollar bills I just want something real
Cuz, nothing's free, except a lovin' me

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you want me, a cherry on top,
The pick of the peck, the crème de la crop

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford -

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you can afford me..Katy Perry

is it worth it?

what i have..is it worth fighting for? i've been fighting my whole life. i chased everything i want. when i've reached it, i need to fight for it. its been a life-long battle. a fight that after so long, i've finally lost. i accept my defeat but im dissapointed because i ws fighting alone. the one who was supposed to fight alongside with me never tried. he accepted the lost way before he started fighting. 13 months of fighting turned to dust when defeat came without a warning. he turned away when i was fighting with all my might. blood, sweat and tears were wasted just like that when he turned away and gave up th fight. frustrated. dissapointed. crushed. i need to get a grip. im falling down too fast. i will not survive when i hit the ground. get a grip liya. hold on to something.

BOY!!!

its 25th june and my adik angkat, boy a.k.a xander has finally turned 19..haha Happy Birthday kiddo!! behave. you’re one step closer to ending your teenage years. no more party tak tentu hala. no more getting into stupid fights. no more enjoy tak ingat dunia. NO MORE. grow up now yea? you la adik yang paling susah i nk jaga. sebab tu i suruh you je jaga i. haha. dah kerja tu elok2 la ye. jangan mengarut lak. AND jangan la usik si aween tu eh. walaupun abang die tu dulu scandal i, i xde la rapat dengan aween. (dah start merepek) hehe. just want to say happy birthday. Allah bless you always. Semoga panjang umur, murah rezeki dan dijauhkan dari segala macam BALA. take care dek! love you!

~lots of love from LYA & PUTAI

payment for my job has been received together with a "we love your work" comment. thank you. payment to aisya for my cards are made. done. im glad they liked my work. im no pro but im good. lol. puji diri sendiri la wey. i just realized that im quite talented in a lot of different areas. not gona list them down here though. haha. thats for me to know and for you nosey people to find out. today was all about upgrading my laptop, cleaning, organizing, etc. yeah, my laptop is under construction. im re-building it. it will be in its full throttle by this weekend. cant wait! by end of this year, more accessories for my camera. hehe. i had a chat with my along. it was fun. we opened up. love you along. im browsing for books that i really2 want but still cant find them. urgh. this post is starting to get mixed up right? lol. i dont really have anything to say. miss putai so much. i cant wait to go back to melaka. cuz then ill be in KL every weekend. haha. got to go continue with my reading. ciao.

no class on friday~ woot!! woot!!

my schedule for this coming semester is packed.. BUT no class on friday AND class starts petang on monday. which means, long weekend~ heee~~ here it is..

Monday

PUB252 (2.30pm-5.20pm)

Teusday

BRO231 (8.30am-11.20am)

PUB251 (2.30pm-5.20pm)

Wednesday

ADV241 (11.30am-1.20pm)

Thursday

PUB351 (8.30am-11.20am)

JRN211 (2.30pm-5.20pm)

ADV241 (5.30pm-6.20pm)

so, thursday is crappy. dreadful. sayang, no class on friday. just as you like it. hehe. my bizz card is on the way.. momma A is designing it. super excited. finally my parents are being supportive. they didnt like when i first started freelancing. now that they see people coming over and telling me that they like my work, they finally understand. i just want some extra cash and the experience. thats all. so, i guess my swimming/badminton sessions will be on wednesday then. still cant imagine what thursdays will be like. back to back classes. sure die wan la...haiya... c'mon lya..chillax..nk abes dh diploma ni..then degree plak..huhuhu..

To Daddy Cool~!!!

I almost forgot. this was made for my abah. yeah, i made it. along tumpang glamour. hehehe.

I LOVE YOU ABAH.. ;)

YOU'RE THE BEST...

i dont do father's day cuz between me and my abah, everyday is father's day. and everyday is my day. hehe. kte geng kan abah?? ;)

job well done.

2 days of event photography is now over. exhausting but fun. i got to know so many new people. olde peopl la. but they taught me so many things about life and learning. working with them was fun. they were all so friendly. maybe cuz im the boss's daughter kot. hehe. i had a long chat with Mr. DJ, abg Fitry. everyone thought he was chinese. haha. sabah bah~ he was a USM graduate. that event management company is his own. cool right? he asked for my contact details cuz he ran out of business cards. he called just to tell me his number. during the long chat, he told me that on my next semester break, i can come work with him. note that with him NOT for him. nothing much happened other than all that. oh, i cant let go of one thing though. during the coloring contest on the afternoon session, this chinese girl who just got back from school looked exhausted came and sat near my seat. her mother forced her to join. and during the whole competition, her mother was yelling at her telling which color to use for which. gila! she should've join, not her daughter. kesian kot budak kecik tu. she looked irritated and tired. finally, she won the grand prize. you know what she did?? hahaha. cant help the laugh. she went up to take her prize, smiled at me as i was taking pictures, walked over to her mother, handed over the hamper and stormed out of the place and straight into the car. the whole time she was screaming "there you go ma, i won. now can we go home? im hungry" hahaha gila la mak dia. evil. im tired now. sleepy.

here's what i looked like half way through today. hehe.

need sleep. tired. editing work 2moro. goodnite.

p/s: i miss you so much sayang. cant wait for the next time i'll be seeing you. I LOVE YOU

K.E.R.J.A

i got up at 7am today. prepared breakfast for everyone. had shower. makan. got ready for work. yes people. work. worse part, im working for my dad. they're having an event. (open-house thingy. more like open-bank though. haha) they hired a photographer. its me. it was fun. so many people came and made it a blast. i hate a part of it though. so many annoying kids. i was OK with the good ones. hehe. colouring contest, dragon boat puzzle, rubix cube competition, lucky draw, sales, so many things happened. they're target for sales (credit card) was only 20, but they managed to get 37 sales! (anak banker bercakap) ;) that was only for gold cards. not including classic cards, loan sales, accounts and other products. i had fun. the kids was crazy. especially those who took part in the rubix cube comp. they completed 2 cubes in less than 5 minutes!!! nenek kau bawak ferrari~ gle la!!! the guy who won 1st prize completed it in less than 3 minutes. nerds la. chinese. as usual. mana pergi semua orang melayu??? layu la.. as always.. *sigh* here are some pictures..

thats abah, uncle Iffil and his wife. he's a great photographer too! check out his flcker

that is my one and only beloved abah! he volunteered for the Quantum Pendant demo cuz he was doubting that thing

this is the rubix cube competition 1st prize winner. nerdy kan~ hehe

this girl was in her own world once she started coloring. after we anounced that the time was up and everone has to pass up their work, she was still in her own world. haha

group photo!! thats abah. squatting far left. this was at 9am!!!

so, everything went well. uncle Iffil asked me to join him on his shooting trips next time. dady said yes BUT depends when. yay!! 2moro is another day and then off to the editing. not that much to edit pown.. then done! payment time bebeh!! need sleep..

ooh! i saw this video of my friends in YOUTUBE.. uploaded by shahril gunter..

tak bleh blah doh budak2 ni. katoon a.k.a fifey (the one in white) was like a dancing praying mantis. wan tonggek (red t-shirt) was so retarded. the whole video mcm bangang sebab suara jess a.k.a jasrizal kuat gila babi. and he was laughing like a babi too. haha. miss them. miss jess and katoon. jess lebih sket. lama sangat tak jumpa!!!

ok then. nak gayut dengan my dead and dried starfish and then im off to sleep.

ciao!

p/s: I LOVE YOU

random

he should've have listen to me. i told him he shouldn't be hanging around those bitches. see what happens now? the damage was HUGE. thus, damage control now is even worse. i warned him that those bitches will bring problems into our lives. into his life. he wouldn't believe me. look what happens. im right. always am. therefore, from this second onwards, i forbid you from having any connection with those slutty bitches. they are stupid and have no values whatsoever. plus, they're ugly. you will never ever again be anywhere near them and you shall leave and walk away from them everytime you see them. they're not worth your time. and mine. you know what, they're just not worth it. they wont take you anywhere except for a place call failure-ville. things are going my way this time.

moving on. i'll have to wake up early 2moro cuz im going for the open day thingy. they need a photographer for the event and they're paying me rm300 for that. cool right? well, its worth it. the wedding photographs are ready. they love my work. thank you. i love the payment. thank you very much. after all this, ill be designing the flyers for sunway and a few more jobs. need to get everything done ASAP cuz im going off to bandung & jakarta. how i wish boyfriend could come along. *sigh* will buy presents for him and a few others. hehe.

p/s: I LOVE YOU

im thinking of moving out of the house this semester itself. but i need housemates. i got the house. a condo actually. the guy is renting it out for quite cheap. i know if i want to, my parents would handle the old house shit. they know how i hate staying there. but i dont want to leave kak meen. its her final semester. maybe i'll just put up with all the drama for 1 more semester and then move out. i need new housemates too! sarah maybe? lou? azza? raihan? c'mon guys. lets plan. the place is a great deal. super! think Liya think! got to move out. got to go away. hate everything.

perbualan lebih dalam.

this is dedicated to the one and only MUHAMMAD HAZWAN BIN SUHAIMI. do understand. i love you.

is your favourite colour blue?

do you always tell the truth?

do you believe in outer space?

im learning you.

is your skin as tan as mine?

does your hair flow sideways?

did someone took a portion of your heart?

im learning you.

and if you dont mind can you tell all your hopes and fears and everything that you believe in.

would you make a difference in the world?

i'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation.

only you can make me.

i've let my guard down for you.

and in time you will too.

and if you dont mind can you tell all your hopes and fears and everything that you believe in.

would you make a difference in the world?

i'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation.

only you can make me.

p/s: I LOVE YOU

terjumpa

i saw a picture of me in someone's blog.. old picture.. hahaha.. thanx for the kudos juboy~!!

CLICK HERE

i am only human

im always told that when you give something to people, you might not get anything in return, give anyway. i did. so many things. and i get so little in return. i am ok with that. its just that sometimes i want to feel special and appreciated. nothing i do is good enough. people always expect more from me. what am i? mutant? cyborg? im only human. i have feelings. im disappointed in myself. im not doing as g ood as im supposed to or expected to. my boyfriend, the one person that i trust and love the most thinks that im noise in a human body. he treats me like a toy. i know i complaint alot and most people would say "if he's gving you so much drama and shit, just leave".. if i wanted to leave, i would have done that a long time ago. why would i wait for 13 months? you think i like the suffering? the pain? i don't. i hate all that. but i love him. so im swallowing and devouring every single bit of it. its painful and shitty but that is life. life and love is not a bed of roses. its painful and complicated. communication helps. but sadly for me, he never wants to talk. he would find so many excuses to avoid talking about serious things. i dont know what to tell him. i dont know what to say to him to make him see that i really love him. i dont know what to do to make him love me as much. i give up. actually, i said that like a million times then i get back up on my feet and try to put it back together. im contradicting my own words. im holding on to this: relationship are like shattered glass. sometimes it is better to leave it then hurting yourself trying to put it back together. but still, im continuing hurting myself constantly trying so hard to put it back together. wait, who am i kidding? we both know that our relationship was based on lies. he lied to me. he pretended to be someone else and i fell in love with that person. he pretended to love me when all he felt was sympathy. there is no love. never was. i tried to let go. i failed. im not strong enough. weird right? im strong enough to put up with all the shit and drama in my life but im weak when it comes to letting go of someone i love. i've lost so many people in my life. i've lost so many things, chances, time and trust. i cant afford to lose him. he is the only one who understands me. ironically, he is also the only one who doesn't get me. if he doesnt come back, i get it. all i can do is just hope that the old 'Liya' will never come back. i hate her. she'll destroy my future if she comes back.

so many shit to deal with. so many things to put up with. so much pain to swallow. so much love to let go. so many memories to forget. so many plans to cancel. too many. solution? one life to end.

p/s: there are 28 letters now. i dont know how much longer i can do this. not this relationship.but this life. I LOVE YOU.

~END~

zZzZzZz...

first of all, happy birthday sarah rahman!! secondly, i hope aisya does well in her interview. i know she will. third, boyfriend really need to know his limits towards fun and enjoyment. get ur lazy ass up and get to work. before i spank you. *wink* i love you. i have nothing to write about. syg, go watch 'its a boy girl thing'... i love you. bye.

its the climb...

this might sound childish and stupid but im gona say it anyway. i love the song "the Climb" by miley cirus. the lyrics are powerful. and somehow it reminds me of aisya. this song is for us, independent, strong and powerful women. enjoy the lyrics.

once a new love

i was going through more old shits and i found something that i wrote more than a year ago. something about him. how i fell in love with him. as i read them again, tears start to fall. why? im not sure. maybe because i miss the feeling i once had. maybe because he doesn't love me anymore. maybe i mean nothing to him anymore. *sigh*

I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE..PEOPLE MIGHT SAY THAT IT WAS TOO FAST OR WHATEVER..BUT DURING THE WHOLE 1 MONTH I'VE SPENT WITH HIM, I GOT TO KNOW HIM VERY WELL.. HE WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY HIS BEST FRIEND WHOM I WAS DATING AT THAT TIME..IT WAS ON THE 17TH APRIL WHEN WE FIRST MET..IT WAS ALSO THE FIRST TIME I MET THE GUY THAT I'VE WAITED FOR 16 MONTHS.. AJIB.. I WAS IN LOVE WHEN WE FIRST MET..HE TREATED ME LIKE A PRINCESS..BUT AS TIME GOES BY, HE CARED LESS ABOUT ME..AND DURING THE WHOLE TIME THAT MY HEART WAS SLOWLY BREAKING, HIS FRIEND WAS THERE BY MY SIDE.. HE GUARDED ME WHEN WE WERE IN A CROWDED PLACE TO PROTECT ME FROM OTHERS..HE HELD MY HAND SO THAT I WON'T GET LOST..HE MADE ME FEEL SAFE WHEN I'M WITH HIM.. EVEN AFTER ALL THE SWEET THINGS HE DID, I WAS STILL WITH AJIB..BUT THEN, EVERY MOMENT WITH AJIB IS SILENTLY KILLING ME FROM INSIDE..MY HEART WAS ACHING AND I COULDN'T BARE THE PAIN ANYMORE..HE PUSHED ME AROUND AND PUSHED ME TO THE GROUND..BUT I DIDN'T HIT ROCK BOTTOM.. SOMEONE WAS THERE WAITING TO BRING ME BACK UP AND STAND ON MY OWN FEET..FROM THAT DAY ONWARDS, I'VE REALISED THAT HE IS MORE THAN A FRIEND OR A BROTHER, HE'S MY GUARDIAN ANGEL..WHEN I WAS DOWN AND NEEDED A HUG, HE HOLDS ME TIGHT AND SHOWERS ME WITH KISSES.. WHEN I'M IN FROWN, HE MAKES ME SMILE AND LAUGH MY SORROWNESS AWAY.. WHEN I WAS SCARED, HE WAS THERE WITH ME MAKING SURE I'M SAFE AND SECURE..WHEN I NEED TO TALK, HE IS ALWAYS THERE LISTENING..EVEN WHEN I'M NOT MAKING ANY SENSE AT ALL, HE WILL BE BY MY SIDE LAUGHING WITH ME..NOT AT ME..HE MAKES ME FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT MYSELF AND AROUND HIM..HE KNOWS HOW I WOULD REACT TO THINGS BEFORE IT HAPPENS.. HE REMEMBERS ALL THE SMALL THINGS AND DETAILS..HE MAKES ME HAPPY TO BE ALIVE..HE COMPLETES ME..I CANT PUT MY HAPPINESS INTO WORDS..IT'S TOO HARD TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL FOR HIM..I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE ACTUALLY IS, BUT I KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING IS TRUE..IF IT'S LOVE, THEN I LOVE YOU MUHAMMAD HAZWAN @ PUTAI..THANK YOU AJIB..IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, WE WOULDN'T BE TOGETHER...

im still waiting for him to text or call. i guess i wont be getting any of it. i guess i'll just do what i do best. wait for him.

i love you b. even if you dont care.

NOT YOUR TOY!!!

he hung up on me again. i told him a zillion times not to do that. he gets on my nerves all the time. yet i love him. he makes me sick and sad, and i still love him. everytime he hung up, i would cry. not anymore. i managed to hold back my tears and go on with what i was doing. which was looking after my sick brother. he can go screw around. i dont care anymore. why should i if he doesnt? im not his girlfriend like he says. im only his toy. the one he plays with when he has nothing else. he's mad at me for wanting to go jakarta with my MOTHER on a BUSINESS TRIP. ridiculous right? i deserve this trip. i deservve this time out. i went through so many things. he put me through so many things. i deserve to unwind and relax. im excited to go. i was asking citra about good places to shop there cuz i had a few things in mind that i want to buy for him. but he's just being a jerk and he loves to make me cry. he enjoys it when im tormented. you know what, enjoy it while you can. i wont be around forever. there are things about me that i hide from everyone. like i said sayang, enjoy hurting me while you can. i wont be around forever. goodbye.

;)

guess what people, i cut myself again. this time, by accident. i stepped on a piece of broken glass. it hurts so bad and the bleeding wouldn't stop. yet, i feel so good about it. somehow it makes me feel calm and peaceful. for a while. i mean, usually i'll cut myself to distract myself from thinking about so many depressing thoughts which are sometimes suicidal. this time, i was so depressed and i accidentally cut myself. how cool is that? finally the world understands me. hahaha. dont get me wrong. this post is a good one. im smiling cuz the world gets me this time. ;)

oh, there's this one bitch who's been using my name in facebook. she sucks. fucked up. screwed up. inferiority complex. i couldnt understand her grammar. she's contradicting her own words. stupid right? i know what she's up to. and i've tracked down where she is. she's just stupid.

i guess im gona have to go watch Drag Me To Hell by myself. rohaya is working. demit. boyfriend xnk tgk. damn.

I QUIT

yes, i quit. quit what? quit everything. i quit from all my jobs. what jobs? gawd! so many questions. i quit from being a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a friend, a student, a photographer, a designer, everything. i quit from being me.

before i go any further, this post goes out to a few people only. not everyone. they are the ones who lied to me. broke so many promises. played me like a toy. never cared about my feelings. never try to understand me. pretend to care. stand by me when im strong and disappear when im weak. these are the people who hurt me all the time. guess what, I QUIT. im out from your life. you like that dont you? have fun. bye.

random facts

Here are some fun facts. remember, they are facts. true facts.

1. in every average chocolate bar, there are 8 insect legs in it.

2. if you are trying to escape from a crocodile's jaw, push your thumbs into its eyeballs. the croc will let you go instantly.

3. humans blink over 10 m illion times a year!

4. sitting too close to the TV will NOT ruin your eyesight

5. A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbook can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.

6. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

7. Armadillos, opossums, and sloth's spend about 80% of their lives sleeping.

8. The average person has 100,000 hairs on his/her head. Each hair grows about 5 inches (12.7 cm) every year.

9. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

10. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

there you go..cool facts huh?? now you have new things to share with your friends.. thanx to me..hahaha...

cuti-cuti sana-sini

im feeling much better now. not really, but i'll live. anyway, ive promised you that ill tell about my so called honeymoon and im gona upload some photos of them right? here it goes.

i reached sunway at around 2pm. before that i dropped by at tita's house for lunch. after checking in, i took a shower, freshen up and got ready to go out. where? pyramid la. where else. aisya was waiting for me there. we're meeting up cuz im picking my t-shirt. funny. she was like, "im at the lagoon, there's a coffee shop here." i figured out it was J.Co and after a while, she text me again. "oh, its J.Co.. haha" bleh tahan gak blur die ni.. before i got to her, boyfriend arrived. met up with him first, then we both went to see aisya. we lepak for quite a long time while waiting for adeq and the rest of the gang to find their way out from the lagoon. no, they weren't lost. they just lost track of time. haha. after that, we went shopping. wait, my lovely boyfriend went shopping. i was just helping him choose. money well spent. ;) then we headed for subway. i was starving. the next day we just hang in the room and went swimming. we didnt dare to go to the lagoon due to the heat wave. im not risking myself to another fever. no way hozay. then we went out for makan. Nando's! finally i get to eat them. been craving for a long time. asal nk pegi, ade je halangan. we ordered 3 set of 1/4 chickens. hehe. kenyang!!! then we went for a movie. pastu back to the hotel room. 

 

 

 

that's my new bikini. the guy is my love, my apek and my heartbeat. that's the t-shirt i bought from aisya.

oh, last night i went to Sunway Hotel Penang. my mom was sick. so i went on her behalf. it was the F&B trainee party. good thing  have friends working there. haha. ooh!! i was one of the lucky draw winners. guess what i won??

L-R: Linda, Julian, Shaq, Citra, Roro, Myself

yes people.. i won a  face towel. a Carlsberg face towel. its green! hehe.

for more pictures, check out my facebook aite people!!!

*sigh*

people. im back. the short trip to KL was fun. i miss him already. but im not in a good mood right now. ill write later and upload photos. when im feeling better. not now. see you.

i so hate myself right now. life is so freakin unfair. fuck.

random

today was nothing much. boyfriend cut his hair. hope he looks ok. die ckp mcm bdak skolah. damn. im super excited. driving to KL 2moro with along, haqim, mama and aniq. yes. the best and the most annoying cousin ever. my big brother. he's finally coming along on my crazy trips. mama is having her meetings. yang lain tu menyibuk je. aniq's birthday is coming up. we're celebrating it there. and fatin's model search thingy. good luck to her. she's pretty. she'll be fine i guess.

oh! about the kuatberlakon contest. faiz said the link was not working. here, try this --> VOTE

i checked and he is currently at #5.. keep voting  my dear friends!!

b, u pon kena vote!!! faiz ni ex-YDP masscomm k.. the best ever!!! die bnyk tolong i kt campus.. klau u syg i, u vote! hehe..

tido-tido!!! sok nk drive.. goodnite..

peace

p/s: i love you

VOTE for DICKIE!!!

senior kesayanganku, nasrul faiz joined the competition kuat berlakon by afdlin shauki. since i love him so much and i want him to win, please vote for him~!!! how?? click here --> VOTE 

good luck dickie!! ill vote everytime i go online..

Killjoy

today was no fun. i went all the way to buy what his cousin asked for. irmi helped carried the things. thanx. sent him back home, i went home. got into a huge fight. i cried and made myself looked ugly. he still doesnt care. sometimes i feel like letting go of everything and just let myself slip away. maybe im not good enough for him. maybe i should let him free. then maybe he'll find someone thats better than me and could make him happy. but i cant breathe thinking about life without him. i am currently 99% suicidal. everyone is sleeping. i have a kitchen knife in my hand for some weird reasons. i am trembling with fear and sadness. im on the edge of breaking down. when i do, things wont be so pretty. i gave everything i could to everyone. it wasnt enough. never is. never will be. i dont fit in. never did. never will. maybe i should just make way for new life. do you know how to do that? no? this explains it. death open up ways for new life. how i interpret that? kill myself, someone else would live. maybe that person deserves it more and maybe that person will live it way better than me. wait and see. im not sure if he still reads my blog. just a test. b, if u baca blog i, make a random phone call to my celcom number and tell me something that you read / saw in my blog. *sigh* i dont think he does. i pour out my feelings here. if he does, he should understand how i feel. dah la. sedih lama2 sorg2 pon tak jadi apa2. baik buat something. 

oh! thanx to those people who said will always be there when i need someone to talk to. you guys are NEVER there. thank you very much. im depressed. its your fault.

peace

p/s: I ALWAYS LOVE YOU

insomnia

guess what. its almost 5am and im still here. cant sleep. kept thinking about him. and everything else. i was at the edge just now. ili said something that made me felt a bit better. i still cant let go of what happened. call me OCD. i dont care. i am obsessed about him. i love him. i was going through pictures and editing some of them cuz i wana blow them up and print them as a gift for my whole family. then i saw these.

see this? this was the first night i met all of them. i went to meet up with ajib. the guy standing behind me. we were together back then. but look at this. who was i sitting on? yes. exactly. it was like it was already written that we're gona be together. he took care of me most of the time we hang out. that ajib guy was always pre-occupied with something else.

 

 

look at these photos. we had so much fun. the first 2 was in Genting. the last 2 was in Tg.Bidara during fasting month! haha. yeah, they sent me back to melaka cuz i almost got into a car crash. thanx againakim and edi. anyway, my point is that no matter how badly we fight, we're perfect for each other. he is my other half. he completes me. just look at my smiles in those pictures. those weren't fake. i came from my heart. i forgot how it feels like right now. i just want that feeling back. thats all.

i love you sayang.

i miss you very much.

peace

random

1. Besides your lips, where is the favorite spot to get kissed?
~my forehead

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
yay! Kellie's Castle!!!

3. Who was the last person/people you took a photo with?
~along

4. Would you consider yourself spoiled?
~yes..

5. Will you ever donate blood?
~im underweight..i cant donate

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was the opposite sex?
~yes..dont know what happened to the friendship

7. Do you want someone to be dead?
~oh! there are so many people that i hate, and i want them dead

8. What does your last text message say?
~if you dont call in the  next 5 minutes, ill take it as a goodbye

9. What are you thinking right now?
~Muhammad Hazwan bin Suhaimi and the fact that he's not here

10. Do you want someone to be with you right now?
~desperately..YES...

11. What was the time you went to bed last night?
~4am

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now?
~i didnt buy this..KOLAH yg kasi baju ni...

13. Is someone on your mind right now?
~yes..PUTAI

14. Who was the last person who text you?
~HOTLINK

Ten lucky person to do this quiz:
1.aisya

2.tia

3.dabuldahi @ hadi

4.faiz fuad

5.faiz KOMED!

6.firas

7.tasnim lokman

8.eleen (xtau eja)

9.bryan

10.ain @bedah

15. Who is no.2 having relationship with?
~she was with hakim..they look good together..*sigh*

16. Is no.3 a male or a female?
~jinatang jantan..MALE

17. If no.7 and no.1 get together , would it be a good?
~i think they do now each other..i bet it'd be good! they'd PARTY!!!

18. What is no.1 studying about?
~she's a mass comm diploma graduate from KDU

19. When was the last time you chatted with them?
~dont know..you can call me DORY...

20. Is no.4 single?
~not sure..he didnt say anything about a girl.. hmm..

21. Say something about no.2
~KDU mass comm student

22. What do you think about no.2 and no.6 being together?
~WHAT DA FUCK?!! NEVER.. he's too young!!! and she's NOT a pedophile

23. Describe no.9
~the hottest DIVA in UiTM Melaka!!!

24. What will you do if no.6 and no.7 fight?
~why would they fight? they dont even know each other..

25. Do you like no.8?
~never met her..i think she's abg eddy's lil sister..

>NOW, YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED! YOUR TURN!!<

awesome

Kellie's Castle was BEAUTIFUL!!! i want a house, i mean a mansion like that. Sir William Kellie Smith wanted to build that mansion for his family. the workers died out of Spanish influenza. so did he. he died on the way to Portugal. his wife sold the land to some other guy. well, all that does not matter. the real thing that matters is, that building is unfinished and yet it is so damn bloody beautiful. im not going to upload all the pictures here or in my facebook. but there'll be more in my facebook compared to here in my blog. ;) here's a picture of me and my family..

what a nice family photo huh?? remember the song family potrait?? yeah, think about that while looking at this.. *sigh*

2moro is karaoke night with the family. gathering and shit. steambot. nasib baik food sedap, klau tak, harapan la aku nak dok umah.. i dont enjoy this crap that much. i just want to go out on some adventure with my dad. thats all. oh, i bought a new bikini today. tak sengaja. hehehe. Sunway Lagoon, im coming. wait for me. ish, teringat kt apek tu. im fighting with him. right this moment, he is there doing something i clearly said NO to. fuck it. he doesnt care. why should i. if anything bad were to happen, his life is getting screwed, NOT mine. im doing fine thank you very much. i wonder. is he faking it? he lied about so many things. i wonder if he is even real. i mean, he is obviously a good liar. i can usually see through people. not him. i saw what he shows, or potrays. oh, screw him. i know one day im gona look at him and say "i told you so".. that happened so many times already. he never gets it. never. lantak la. your life. im doing well with mine. i try to help you. but if you DONT WANT TO HELP YOURSELF, there's nothing i can do about it.

peace

p/s: I STILL LOVE YOU... though im kinda sick of you now, i still do.

L O V E

I found these pictures of us in my old blog. i deleted everything when he left me. yeah, thousands of pictures. *sigh* well, at least i have the ones we took in PD. our vacation. loved it. it was nothing much. but i love it. now that we're back together, i regret deletinig every effin thing. damn you stupid break up. doesnt matter now. im in love.

kantoi abes that he is freakin VAIN!!! hahaha.. 

i should be in bed now. wait, i need to check on a few things.

1. charged my camera

2. emptied the flash card

3. pack for road trip

4. sleep early

well, obviously ive failed the 4th one. haha. yeah! Kellie's Castle, here i come!

peace.

'tak nak bgtau' by ajam

i was going through my old blog and i found this.. lyrics to a song that has not been released yet.. the guy who wrote this, he's famous now.. he wrote this a long time ago.. it means alot to me and i really can relate to this..  i just want to say that i hope he does well and one day, this song will be out..

aku tak menyangka 

begini akhirnya

cerita indah kita bersama

sukar unutuk percaya

tergamaknya aku

menghembus kata itu padamu

namun engkau tahu

semua itu

bukanlah untukku

sejujurnya 

aku tahu apa berlaku

dibelakangku

selama ini

ku pejamkan mata

tapi sampai bila

aku kan membisu untukmu

namun engkau tahu

ku tetap menyayangimu selamanya

anyway, i dedicate this song to my boyfriend..a while ago.. sayang, read this again and again.. hope things will change..

lies...

our relationship was based on lies. u lied to me all the time. i always thought you were the best because you were always there listening to me. nobody else could do it. now i know. you are just likethe others. you never did listen. thats why you still dont understand me. everytime i tell you a story of my past, u pretend to listen. no wonder you're clueless. no wonder you dont know me even after a year. im just so damn heartbroken now. never thought you were like the other guys ive dated. always thought that you're different and special. what was i thinking. damn it. im fooled and blinded by love. a love story that im alone in it. fuck. how could i be so stupid. i am stupid right? im dumb cuz i love you. im stupid cuz i care about you. and im blind cuz its happening right under my nose but yet, im changing nothing. actually, i refuse to see it. why dont you ever tell me the truth?? why?? i dont know what to believe now. i have absolutely nothing, not a single fucking thing to hold on to. this is not easy. im tired of crying and holding back my tears when im on the phone with you. yes, everytime we were on the phone this past few weeks, i held back my tears. cuz i know if i let it out, you'd say om annoying and irritating. and you'd just hang up. why are you doing this to me? why? 

p/s: I LOVE YOU..regardless all the pain you caused.

re-inspired

i was going through firas' blog just now. came across a few posts that sounded like what i used to write. haha. yeah, i understand you kiddo. you can include me with your sisters and ammani now. i totally get what you're saying. that was how we got close to each other, remember? we were going on and on about this stupid typical malay mindset and thinking. how stupid and lame they are. how much we hate meLAYU. i mean, i dont hate malay people in general. i just hate the ones who lives up to the word MELAYU. the typical thinking would be so shallow and simply dumb. im gona write on my observations after this. thanx firas for giving my booze back. now i remember why i was once a great writer. and a cynical one too. *wink* cant wait for aisya's t-shirt launch. all the best to her!!! hey, support her  aite?? at least she's doin something aren't like you guys who are always on your fat/skinny ass doin nothin and get wasted. well, boyfriend is asleep. he ignored me the whole day. i wonder if he really went out for football or he was messing around with someone. hmmm. who knows. i dont even know what's real right now. fuck it. see you. ciao!

im not perfect

yes, i know im not perfect. nobody is. in fact, nobody will ever be. im sorry im always telling you this and that. im not trying to be bossy. im just looking out for you. i want the best for you. i dont want you to repeat the same mistakes that i did. im right. damn it im fucking right. my only mistake is that i love you too much that im just trying to protect you from screwing up like i did. i know right now it seems like im nagging too much, im always on your back, always trying to stop you from having fun. trust me, one day, IF you fall, you'd turn back and wish that youwould have listened to me. and i was damn right. 

p/s: I LOVE YOU...ALWAYS

pukimak

ive been away. that explains why i didnt post anything. its been a while since i last checked my fb and ms. guess what, that bitch 'siti sarah' is using my name now. and my birthday. she answered MY quiz and scored 100%. i dont know who that is YET. im gona find out. and when i do, that bitch will beg me for mercy and wish she was never born. yeah! rott i hell fucker! ill see you there.. you guys must be a bit lost on this one right? yeah, i wont give out any details.

life has been good lately. everything seems to fall into place. my relationship with him is getting so much better. we taught ourselves a lot. yup. lesson learned. haha. i dont want to screw up again. he's the best thing ever. i love you sayang. wait, im kinda mat at you now cuz you overslept and you missed class. thats bad. you are grounded baby! haha. oh well, no point. i know you're gona find an excuse to go out and hang out in hakim's place. whatever makes you happy sayang. just dont skip classes again.

p/s: I LOVE YOU