moving

i have a stalker.

he makes me sick.

driving me crazy.

that is why i am moving my blog. AGAIN.

=)

Carpe Diem...

as the title of this post says, 'Carpe Diem'.. seize the day.. thats one of my favorite quotes.. well, thats something that i hold on to each day..

people walk in and out of my life. im glad i have a few that stays with me. some people leave and makes me happy. but there are a few, well 2 to be exact that left me and makes me feel like there's no tomorrow. thus the motto Carpe Diem..

Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero... seize the day as if there is no tomorrow. how do i do that? i met him. and it was definitely no tomorrow for us. i knew he was leaving. he knew i cant go with him. (he did asked me to go with him though..not possible..) so, we did seize the day. unfortunately, it was the only day we have. a small part of me says that we will see each other again. i have a good feeling on this one.

anyway, if it is another heartbreak, ill suck it in. many more to come right? as what my great lecturer Miss Wan said, all the frogs will lead me to my prince.. =)

im one broken girl. ive been that way for so long that im used to it in a way. i have my beautiful family and friends to help me get up again. no worries. plus, i want to make sure that im OK so that putai and kak meen will be proud of me. they helped me grew up. thats why i love them so much. yup, i said that. i love putai. my first true love. can never forget him. he's great. he helped me move on. how cool is that? im glad that we're still talking to each other. =)

so, here i am. alone in my room. hoping that we would call. well, no harm in keeping hope alive right?

oh! i heard that he is trying to sign off earlier so me and my friends can be with him on new year's eve. yay!!

ciao! =)

in the car - on the go..

I am currently in the car with pak toto (my driver who is super cool and good looking ;) hehe) and we are heading to tangkuban perahu which is a volcano crater. Its an active volcano yea people. Take note.. After that we will be heading to some hotspring and lepak there for a bit.. Dah settle kumpul energy, we will go to ALL the factory outlets available.. Hahaha can't wait for that..
Anyhow, this blackberry thing, its cool.. But I still prefer Maxx.. Well, Maxx is my green Dell Inspiron 1420 which I've upgraded so many things and its like a laptop with superpowers..
Maxx undertands me.. Not lile this BB who makes me feel and look like a spoilt rich kid pampered by parents.. Haha
The view is amazing!! Got to go..
Ciao!!

i was in denial..now i admit that i miss you..

if i told you i still love you, what would you say?

if i told you i miss you, what would you do?

if i said want to see you, will you see me?

if i said i want you back, what will you do?

if i ask you for another chance, will you give it to me?

honestly, i cant live without you...

i can barely survive without you...

i cant even move forward without you...

im stuck in the past.. our past...

i miss how you hold my hands when we walk..

i miss how you play with my hair when im sleeping..

i miss how you kiss my head when im standing in front of you..

i miss how you wipe my fork and spoon when my food arrives..

i miss how you lite up my cigarette for me..

i miss driving around with you sitting next to me..

i miss watching movies with you..

i miss your smell..

i miss your touch..

i miss your smile..

i miss your laugh..

i miss how you would ask me to call every night before bed..

i miss listening to your voice every morning..

i miss driving over to your place on weekends..

i miss buying you clothes..

i miss watching you play foosball..

i miss fighting and arguing with you on the phone..

i miss eating with you..

i just miss you..

every step i take..

every move i make..

everywhere i go..

everything i do..

all i can see is you..

im so full of stories now..

all bottled up inside..

cuz you're not around for me to open up to..

its getting overloaded..

too much for me to bear it all..

im gona burst one day..

it ain't gona be good..

i hope you understand..

i hope you wont talk shit about me after you read this..

i know you do..

well, i hope you do..

i miss you..every day every night..

i think of you, all the time..

i dream of you every night..

i hope of waking up beside you every morning..

will you tell me that you would give me one last chance?

will you tell me that you still love me?

will you tell me that you need me?

will you cry if i die?

will you feel sad if im gone?

will you break apart if something happens to me?

will you promise me that you'll always be safe?

will you stay with me forever like you've promised me before?

i hope you still remember that i've once said that i would do anything to make you happy..

im killing myself slowly to make you happy..

im watching you from far away, making your way to another girl...

it hurts.. its killing me..

but its making you happy right??

not being with you is enough to kill me..

im dying slowly..started on the day you left..

i wont be gone completely until i am certain that you are safe and nothing can hurt you..

i love you more than life itself..

remember our songs??

~hands down

~guardian angel

~with you

the 3 most special song in my life.. it tears me apart everytime i listen to them now..

"my heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelery.. which ever you prefer"

"you're my true love, my whole heart..please dont throw that away.."

"if you ever let me go i would die..so i wont run.."

i miss you...

wuddafuck!!

You said i was the one. you promised never to leave. you told me you'll always be there with me. you said you love me. i trusted you. i loved you and i sill do. i cared about you and i still do. i sacrificed so much for you. i gave my life for you. you played me. you lied to me. you hurt me. you're killing me. thats life right? unfair. thats just you. and i am just stupid cuz i still love you.

you never loved me

baby its true

i cant believe i fell for you

you treated me bad

oh, i was so blind

cuz a girl like me

you'll never find

i gotta find a way to erase

the memories of us

wipe that look on your face

i loved you from the bottom of my soul

now its time for me to let you go

BIG MISTAKE!

i wish i never met you boy

i hope you break

and you'll realize the mess you've made

a big mistake

cant believe i said i love you

you're so fake.

thats so much that i cant take...

Siti Liya Nashita + Muhammad Hazwan

17052008 - 20072009

rock bottom

i have been feeling down lately. i wonder why. is it because im alone? im surrounded by my crazy friends almost all the time. yet, i feel so lonely. i miss being special to someone. i miss being that girl who lights up someone's life everyday. i miss being treated as a princess and pampered as a baby. i miss doing nothing and everything was taken care of by someone else. now its different. im all by myself. i have to everything on my own. i need to make myself feel better when im down. i need to pick myself up when i hit rock bottom. when i look around, everyone around me has that special someone to make them smile. me? i only have beautiful memories which are painful to even think about. i admit, he was the only one who understands me. but we fell apart. maybe its not meant to be. maybe its for the better.

anyway, i have to thank a few people who makes me happy.

ayie-enel-skaki-laji-dan-lulu..you guys are the best.. you never let me down.. i love you guys so so much..

a'bie comel.. syg.. i love you..

kak meen.. i know i have not been around lately, but you're always on top of everyone else.. you will never be replaced.. i love you..

aya, naza.. though we dont talk much, i know both of you are always here with me.. i know how much you care.. thank you for being the best..

ana, ilah, najib.. i dont have you anything.. you know i love you..

____________________________

damn! something just hit me..

my lovely beloved seniors are graduating..

kak meen will no longer be with me next sem..

sape nk bebel kt i?

sape nk mintak i buat milo?

sape nk kemas katil i?

sape nk remind i mcm2?

sape nk tlg kejut i?

sape nk jd kakak i??? ='(

miki, fili pon da xde next sem..

i wont have anyone to look up to anymore..

damn im crying..

"all alone again.. thats your life liya. live with it. you've been alone for so long before you met these beautiful people.. back to your old life.. you'll make it.. no worries.. you're a fighter.. always have been and always will be.."

I just want to be with you...

as the rains continue to batter,
standing on the balcony
i watch the rain drops
converge into one pool of water;

i wish you were here
standing next to me
in this rain soaked night,
holding hands, scheming of things pretty;

Wondering to myself, so late at night,
what is it that attracts me to you?
Thinking to myself, why are you always on my mind?
What power do you have in what you do?

thinking about where i stood,
i try to push you out of my mind,
but every time i push you out of my thoughts,
you crawl back into my world and fill my senses;

it’s so hard to keep smiling
and continue denying what i feel
i don’t know why,
a thousand reasons i have none;

i can’t go on like this,
i can’t pretend everything is fine,
when i just wanna be with you
hold you tight tonight and every night;

you're so fake...

you never loved me... baby its true...
and i cant believe i fell for you...
you treat me bad before, and i was blind...
cuz a girl who's like me you'll never find...
i loved you from the bottom of my soul...
and now its time for me to let you go...

BIG MISTAKE...
i wish i never met you boy, i hope you break...
and you'll realize the mess you've made..
a big mistake...
cant believe i said I LOVE YOU...
YOU'RE SO FAKE...

p/s: i hate being alone..but i like it that im not with you anymore cuz it turns out that you're a FAKE...

p/s/s: sayang A'bie sgt2~!!!

forever is over...

i used to be love drunk, but now im hungover. ill love you forever, forever is over.

GET THAT??!!!

*sigh*

lost and broken...

hopeless and lonely...

smiling on the outside...

but hurt beneath my skin...

my eyes are fading...

my soul is bleeding...

ive tried to make it seem OK...

but my faith is wearing thin...

so help me heal these wounds...

they've been open for way too long...

help me fill this hole...

even though this is not your fault...

that im open...

and im bleeding...

all over your brand new rug...

and i need someone to help me sew them up...

i only wanted a magazine...

i only wanted a movie screen...

i only wanted the life i've read about and dream...

and now my mind is an open book...

and now my heart is an open book...

and now my life is an open soul for all to see...

so help me heal these wounds...

they've been open for way too long...

help me fill this hole...

even though this is not your fault...

that im open...

and im bleeding...

all over your brand new rug...

and i need someone to help me...

so you come along...

i pushed you away...

then kicked and screamed for you to stay...

cuz i need someone to help me...

oh i need someone to help me...

to help me heal these wounds...

they've been open for way too long...

help me fill this hole...

even though this is not your fault...

that im open...

and im bleeding...

all over your brand new rug...

and i need someone to help me sew them,

i need someone to help me fill them,

i need someone to help me close them up...

Raya Sakan!!!

How was my Hari Raya in Melaka??

AWESOME!!!

had so much fun with the people i love..

my family..

sangat lama kita tak gather camni kan??

BEST DJ

Lya-DJ Enel

MY DJ

RAYA @ A'FAMOSA

B.C.-E.L.A-F.L.M.-Somban Boys-Uncle Lee

MY FAMILY

SISTERHOOD FOR LIFE!!

L-R: LULU-AYIE-IKA-LYA

LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!

I LOVE SOMBAN BOYS!!!

L-R : IJAT-LAN-ALIP-AYED

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!!

looking forward to our next gathering...

p/s: dude, i know you have issues with me. guess what, i dont give a damn. go fuck yourself cuz i aint gona give a shit bout you anymore. i live my life, you live yours. dont mess up with me. dont put your filthy tiny hands into my business. dont even think of having anything with me. cuz you mean nothing to me now.

Maizatul Jasmeen @ Kak Meen

To My Dearest Beloved Kak Meen,

Honestly, i miss you. alot. loads of shits happened between us. we got through so many of them and now, more shits are coming our way. i am sick and tired of it. i messed up. you messed up. we both screwed things up as i see it. but im gona make the first move to apologize for everything and since its raya, forgive me for everything i've said and done that might have hurt you or caused you pain. i love you as a sister. as far as i am concerned, you are never my friend or housemate. you are my elder sister. i know i screwed up here and there, but you know me right? like what you said, knowing me and my bullshits kan? just to let you know, i might have lied about a few things, but i never meant to hurt you. and i never lied when i said i love you. i miss haveing those nights where we'll talk about everything. i miss laughing our ass off on something stupid. i miss the way you're always able to finish off my sentences. i miss it when you can read my mind. most of all, i miss you. i know things will never be the same again between us. i even understand if we wont even be talking to each other. but i want you to remember that if you ever need anything, i am always here for you no matter what. you're always gona be my kak meen and you will always have that special place in my heart and life. thank you for tolerating me and all my bullshits after so long. thank you for keeping up with my attitude. thank you for being such a wonderful listener. thank you for always giving me a shoulder to cry on. thank you for being a great sister. thank you for always backing me up and having my back when everyone was bringing me down. thank you for being you. im sorry for always giving you headaches. sorry for always making you worried. sorry for always leaving the room in a mess. sorry for lying to you. sorry for making you feel bad. sorry for not being at home most of the time. sorry for being such a crappy adik.

On this glorious occasion, i hope you are feeling good and happy with your loved ones. i wish you all the good things in life and may you be at the top of your health all the time. Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin.. Halalkan segala makan, minum, duit and anything that you have given me. Thank you for everything kak meen.

p/s: I LOVE YOU

*sigh*

its been along time since i wrote something in here. so many thigs have changed. too many. well, im single now. life is great. i miss feeling free like this. i do miss him sometimes. but, what the hell, he left me. not the other round. he made up his mind and im just living my life. =)

so many new relationships developed. some got better and some got worse. i dont give a damn. my life anyway. my relationship with man grew stronger. he understands what im going through. such a great friend / brother. love him. me and naqie? no more. the brotherhood..well, lets just say im a sister now. =)

i grew closer to ayie. love her. im losing so much weight due to too much party.. hahaha.. still looking good. no worries. assignments are going great.. long story short, im loving my life now..

i wont be updating much cuz im busy with other things. anyway, raya is coming up. cant wait. (yea right)

ciao!

i deserve better

someone told me that he misses the old me. well, that someone also once said that people change all the time. guess what. i was the same girl while you were changing into some guy that destroyed everything i ever worked for. thank you. you made me into who i am today. if you say i am ice-cold now, its because of you. i gave you my heart, you chose to break it. i gave you my life, you wasted it. i gave you my trust, you betrayed it. i gave you my love and attention, you took it for-granted. this is what you get for all that you give. im not saying that i dont love you anymore. its just that sometimes i feel sick of giving and just watching you taking everything. sucking to the last drop of whatever i have to give. you never really show your appreciation. that is a huge mistake. i've been telling you for so long that your time is running out but you wouldn't listen. now you are doing this. im not gona be the girl who cries and call you a thousand times just to make everything OK again. i just wont. im tired. i deserve something better than this. if yo're not planning on giving more, than you can go. i wont stop you. you're call. just so you know, im not wasting even a single drop of tear for you anymore. for what you're giving me, its not worth it. think about it.

so, i wont be going to perhentian with them. its gona be waste of money. spending so much for only 1 day at the beach. why im not going? i cant go with them cuz they're going on the 5th. i have my interview at Blu Inc Media on the 6th. that is waaayyy more important than perhentian. seriously. they're having they're sem break so its ok for them. im in the middle of my semester and this sem, its critical. cant afford to screw up. i need to get my grades back up. oh, Hakim scored a 4.0 GPA for his previous semester. awesome right?? he is smart. if something goes wrong, that means he's just lazy. haha. anyway, chilling was superb!!! before that i was at a PP in a'famosa organized by the BC's..hehe.. i didnt sleep and at 6am, i drove to ss2 to meet up with the boys and go mandi sungai!! woot~!! i love it. i love those kinds of things. hehe. tu la hadi and putai said im a dude..hahaha pictures will be in my facebook. go check 'em out yea? the weekend was fun and super tiring. oh well, worth it. im going back to PJ on thursday morning for my interview with Blu Inc Media and then lepak with the boys.. woot~ woot~

damn you

my whole happy weekend just gone crashing. thanx!

updates for you stalkers out there.

1. Alhamdulillah, mama is healthy again. the surgery went well. talked to her just now. as usual, being the normal OCD mother that she is, she reminded me to take my antibiotics 6 times in one short phone call. haha. you should be resting la ma.. think about your health tu dulu. baru pikir nak bising2 kat acik.hehe. miss you, love you banyak2!!

2. My prayers are with Yasmin Ahmad who is on life support now. hope she'll get well soon. our nation cant afford to lose such a great and inspirational mind like her.

3. Im back in my house in LENDU!! damn you melaka. haha. yes people, im alone. i know that class is starting on monday but i have a shit-load of work to be done. and yes, the doctor gave me MC smpai early August. over kan? thanx to H1N1 for it. haha. im healthy again, why waste time btol tak? plus, my friends will be performing at Lepaq Bazaar on Saturday and i cant afford to miss it. Bedah dah banyak kali bising cuz i didnt show up for so many of her performances and she's starting her tour end of this month. so tak dapat la jmpa sangat nanti. bedah amik cuti sem this semester. see you next sem ye bedah. ;) Abg Achot pun perform gak nanti. hope kak lidya will be there too. i didnt get to go to their wedding. huhu. Casey's Last Ride pun ada!! yeah, cinta lama..khidir @ Kid @ amak..hehe.. yes, together with jurasila..hehehe..not sure if asila will be there to support her boyfie cuz i think she's still in Brunei.. well, Jura, im gona be there with my handycam as promised okay buddy?? have fun performing nanti.. oh! maybe my along pun will be joining gak.. ( i miss abg bobo, i dont know why, but i miss him..hehe)

4. I dont know what to do tonight cuz im effing alone!! wait, miki and fili kan ade..hehehe.. im gona raid those gay's house later..hahaha guys, tolong la lepak with me tonite or ill die alone.. si kacak rumah sebelah pun xde..if tak leh shisha..huhu..

5. Nothing else to say.. heee.. ;)

Lya - OUT!

To mama... I LOVE YOU

i was going through some of my friend's blogs.. then i realize, i've been complaining way too much.. how can i be so blind.. i've been lucky for so long.. see, i have my mother.. my crazy-OCD mother..haha (she laughs everytime i call her that) somehow, i never really showed her that i love her and appreciate everything that she does for me.. she gave up her whole life for her children.. especially me..i know that for a fact.. i've been jealous of my friends and sometimes say that they are so much luckier than me.. guess what liya, you were blind!! stupid!! look around you.. my friends lost their mother.. some seperated, and some, well, lets just say Death took them.. i still have my mother with me..in fact, my whole family is still together.. i know sometimes she made decisions for me that ended up with something i dont like.. but hey, look at where i am now.. she made me this way.. i should thank her.. i wouldnt be standing here if it wasnt for her.. she gave me everything that i need..no, MORE than what i actually need.. she gave me a luxurious life at the same time teaching me about life the hard way.. if i dont complaint too much, maybe i would have the room to see that all she is trying to do is just to prepare me for a lifetime ahead of me.. she wouldnt be around all the time, right? somehow im crying while writing this.. damn. i fight with her all the time. i make fun of her, laugh at her and laugh with her all the time too.. we cant help it..we need to fight and argue..haha..its a weird way of bonding..lol.. anyway, i always tell her to give up on trying to win in arguements with me cuz its like talking to a mirror.. yes mama, im ur reflection..haha..im turning out to be just like you kan ma? im proud of that. i know i said that i hate you and we fight all the time.. i just want you to know that deep down inside me, you're my idol.. the only one i look up to. nobody can ever top you in my life. nobody. i just wish and really hoping that i will turn out to be like you. pray for me k mama? you're in the hospital right now. waiting for surgery. preparing yourself. i know that by now, you're probably telling yourself everything will be ok. you're talking to yourself kan? hehe. i know you. trust me ma, the surgery will go well and you'll be up and running again in no time. well, not running la cuz u wont even jog. pemalas. haha. ok, you'll be up and ready for you OCD rituals again. hehe. i know its just a small and minor surgery, but i cant help feeling scared. i love you. i need you to know that. i need you to know that im sorry for all the harsh things that came out from my stupid mouth and all the rude behavior and everything lah..im sorry..

ma, acik sayang mama. mama ingat tu tau. memang kadang2 acik suka cari pasal dengan mama, tapi acik bukan tak sayang mama. mama tu yang garang sangat. suka marah tak tentu pasal. sebab tu la acik kata mama ni my crazy OCD mother. :) mama jangan takut tau, acik tau mama takut. sebab tu mama tak bagi acik or adik ikot abah pi tengok mama kat hospital kan? mama x payah takot. mama kuat la. macam2 mama dah buat. acik tau mama mesti ok punya. acik nak mintak ampun sebab acik kena balik melaka hari ni. mama surgery hari ni tapi acik kena balik. acik ada banyak kerja nak kena buat. sori ma.. sori sangat2.. tapi acik dah mintak izin mama nak bertolak hari ni kan? mama pun dah cakap OK. nanti acik sampai acik bagitau abah. acik tak speed kali ni. promise. acik bawak slow2. acik rindu mama. x sempat nak peluk ma sebelum ma pi hospital haritu. :'( nanti after surgery, mama dh sedar nanti ma call acik tau. acik tunggu. tadi kan kita dah sms. acik tunggu k? ma, memang acik nampak macam acik yang paling keras dalam family kita. to be honest, its just a cover up. i dont want people to see me vulnerable. ego acik ja tinggi. i can do anything as long as i put my mind to it. you know that kan ma? memang acik kuat. macam mama jugak. tapi, just like yourself, i cry when im alone. yes, i do cry. i just dont let people see me crying. i want to make people happy. thats my mission in life. tp kan ma, acik sayang orang, buat baik kat orang, orang lansung tak appreciate. mama dengan abah slalu pesan, treat people as how you want to be treated. but they never treat me like how i treat them. i guess people are still blindkan ma? biar la. janji acik tau acik tak salah. yang penting, acik nak make mama, abah, along and adik proud of me. acik tak kisah apa orang lain nak cakap. biar la. ill prove to you one day that im worth something, i can be someone, i will make my mark in this life. i'll live further up than people's expactations of me. and i'll do all that for you mama. for our family. just like how you do everything for our family. i love you ma. so much.

crap

im back at home. down with fever. H1N1 maybe. *sigh* my campus will be closed for the whole week. no fun at all. im sick. canceled cherating, wasted 5 tickets to shout awards, cant do anything. im sick of fighting with him. he gets on my nerves. i love him but i guess love does not pull through everything right? he's a grown up. he should be able to think. AKU DAH MALAS NAK FIKIR SAL KAU DAN ORANG LAIN. PEGI MATI.

dearest friends, aya.. hope ur sickness is getting better.. one thing i must tell you, if people won't fight to stand up for your relationship, be it friendship or love..then that person is not worth your time. kalau dia tak sanggup nk fight, xyah kesah dh sal orang tu. u will always have me and naza. i've been fighting my whole life. you know that. still there are people who never appreciates me. lantak dia. diorg yg rugi, bukan kita. ok?

i just found out that bedah will be taking a semester off to focus on her singing career. she got a contract with DiGi..go bedah!! good for you. i'll be waiting next semester for you babe..you have me and azza..ngee~~

im gonna be back on the market soon people. que up! who's next on my list?? hahaha.. oh yeah, he needs to get his act together real fast if he wants me to stay. cuz im slipping away. pronto. woot!!!

sayonara suckers!!!

fuck

haven;t been blogging for so long. busy. back in campus. duh~ and yeah, H1N1 in my campus. i dont understand why we're still here. cuti la wey! tutp! darurat la! ALAM pun da tutup. kimak. i dont want to die. not yet. i have so many things to tell. but not in the mood. later. ciao!

Michael Jackson & Indonesia

Nope. don’t assume that those two are connected. I’m compiling all my MJ videos and mp3s and organizing them according to all 16 albums. yup, all of them. haha. yes people, i am an obsessed fan. always have been, always will be. hehe. and i am going off to Indonesia. Jakarta and Bandung. not a complete holiday. I'm on a business trip with my mother, at the same time its my holiday. I'll be interviewing those short-listed students like I've said before. Then I’ll be having a dinner with the Chairman of Sahid Jaya. after all that, then its fun time. don’t worry people, you don’t have to remind me.. Rumah Mode is on the top of my list. not really. haha. im more excited about sightseeing then shopping. cant wait for the volcano craters. woot!! aite peeps. im out. ill be back next week. bye~

Checklist..

I need to get everything done as quickly as possible. What to do? Here is the list.

1. buy 2 pcs RAM 2GB for my laptop (pasang sendiri la jwbnye)

2. buy 8GB CF card

3. buy another external hard drive + pendrive (i lost mine during finals)

4. send out my NOKIA for repair

5. send out my stickers for printing

6. clean up my study room and my bedroom

7. pack for melaka

8. final clean up for my laptop

 

get them done cepat! GO! GO! GO!

if you want me…

If you want me, a cherry on top, the pick of the peck,
The crème de la crop.
If you want me you better do better than that tonight.
Oh, Oh.
If you want me, it takes more than a wink,
And more than a drink, more than you think.
If you want me you're gunna have to break the bank, tonight.
Cuz some don't have the patience, some call me high-maintenance
But you pay the bill, cuz, that's the deal.

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you want me, I'm not a piece of ass, a one night stand, a storage shit
I think you better walk by, tonight
Oh, no.
If you want me, then stop begging I don't put out for charity
If you want me there's no discount price tonight
But I don't need your dollar bills I just want something real
Cuz, nothing's free, except a lovin' me

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you want me, a cherry on top,
The pick of the peck, the crème de la crop

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford -

If you wanna ride, just name your price don't play cheap, with your heart
Don't make a bet if you can't write the check, for me, for me.
Cuz I can be bought, but you'll pay the cost
If you can afford me

If you can afford me..Katy Perry

is it worth it?

what i have..is it worth fighting for? i've been fighting my whole life. i chased everything i want. when i've reached it, i need to fight for it. its been a life-long battle. a fight that after so long, i've finally lost. i accept my defeat but im dissapointed because i ws fighting alone. the one who was supposed to fight alongside with me never tried. he accepted the lost way before he started fighting. 13 months of fighting turned to dust when defeat came without a warning. he turned away when i was fighting with all my might. blood, sweat and tears were wasted just like that when he turned away and gave up th fight. frustrated. dissapointed. crushed. i need to get a grip. im falling down too fast. i will not survive when i hit the ground. get a grip liya. hold on to something.

BOY!!!

its 25th june and my adik angkat, boy a.k.a xander has finally turned 19..haha Happy Birthday kiddo!! behave. you’re one step closer to ending your teenage years. no more party tak tentu hala. no more getting into stupid fights. no more enjoy tak ingat dunia. NO MORE. grow up now yea? you la adik yang paling susah i nk jaga. sebab tu i suruh you je jaga i. haha. dah kerja tu elok2 la ye. jangan mengarut lak. AND jangan la usik si aween tu eh. walaupun abang die tu dulu scandal i, i xde la rapat dengan aween. (dah start merepek) hehe. just want to say happy birthday. Allah bless you always. Semoga panjang umur, murah rezeki dan dijauhkan dari segala macam BALA. take care dek! love you!

~lots of love from LYA & PUTAI

payment for my job has been received together with a "we love your work" comment. thank you. payment to aisya for my cards are made. done. im glad they liked my work. im no pro but im good. lol. puji diri sendiri la wey. i just realized that im quite talented in a lot of different areas. not gona list them down here though. haha. thats for me to know and for you nosey people to find out. today was all about upgrading my laptop, cleaning, organizing, etc. yeah, my laptop is under construction. im re-building it. it will be in its full throttle by this weekend. cant wait! by end of this year, more accessories for my camera. hehe. i had a chat with my along. it was fun. we opened up. love you along. im browsing for books that i really2 want but still cant find them. urgh. this post is starting to get mixed up right? lol. i dont really have anything to say. miss putai so much. i cant wait to go back to melaka. cuz then ill be in KL every weekend. haha. got to go continue with my reading. ciao.

no class on friday~ woot!! woot!!

my schedule for this coming semester is packed.. BUT no class on friday AND class starts petang on monday. which means, long weekend~ heee~~ here it is..

Monday

PUB252 (2.30pm-5.20pm)

Teusday

BRO231 (8.30am-11.20am)

PUB251 (2.30pm-5.20pm)

Wednesday

ADV241 (11.30am-1.20pm)

Thursday

PUB351 (8.30am-11.20am)

JRN211 (2.30pm-5.20pm)

ADV241 (5.30pm-6.20pm)

so, thursday is crappy. dreadful. sayang, no class on friday. just as you like it. hehe. my bizz card is on the way.. momma A is designing it. super excited. finally my parents are being supportive. they didnt like when i first started freelancing. now that they see people coming over and telling me that they like my work, they finally understand. i just want some extra cash and the experience. thats all. so, i guess my swimming/badminton sessions will be on wednesday then. still cant imagine what thursdays will be like. back to back classes. sure die wan la...haiya... c'mon lya..chillax..nk abes dh diploma ni..then degree plak..huhuhu..

To Daddy Cool~!!!

I almost forgot. this was made for my abah. yeah, i made it. along tumpang glamour. hehehe.

I LOVE YOU ABAH.. ;)

YOU'RE THE BEST...

i dont do father's day cuz between me and my abah, everyday is father's day. and everyday is my day. hehe. kte geng kan abah?? ;)

job well done.

2 days of event photography is now over. exhausting but fun. i got to know so many new people. olde peopl la. but they taught me so many things about life and learning. working with them was fun. they were all so friendly. maybe cuz im the boss's daughter kot. hehe. i had a long chat with Mr. DJ, abg Fitry. everyone thought he was chinese. haha. sabah bah~ he was a USM graduate. that event management company is his own. cool right? he asked for my contact details cuz he ran out of business cards. he called just to tell me his number. during the long chat, he told me that on my next semester break, i can come work with him. note that with him NOT for him. nothing much happened other than all that. oh, i cant let go of one thing though. during the coloring contest on the afternoon session, this chinese girl who just got back from school looked exhausted came and sat near my seat. her mother forced her to join. and during the whole competition, her mother was yelling at her telling which color to use for which. gila! she should've join, not her daughter. kesian kot budak kecik tu. she looked irritated and tired. finally, she won the grand prize. you know what she did?? hahaha. cant help the laugh. she went up to take her prize, smiled at me as i was taking pictures, walked over to her mother, handed over the hamper and stormed out of the place and straight into the car. the whole time she was screaming "there you go ma, i won. now can we go home? im hungry" hahaha gila la mak dia. evil. im tired now. sleepy.

here's what i looked like half way through today. hehe.

need sleep. tired. editing work 2moro. goodnite.

p/s: i miss you so much sayang. cant wait for the next time i'll be seeing you. I LOVE YOU

K.E.R.J.A

i got up at 7am today. prepared breakfast for everyone. had shower. makan. got ready for work. yes people. work. worse part, im working for my dad. they're having an event. (open-house thingy. more like open-bank though. haha) they hired a photographer. its me. it was fun. so many people came and made it a blast. i hate a part of it though. so many annoying kids. i was OK with the good ones. hehe. colouring contest, dragon boat puzzle, rubix cube competition, lucky draw, sales, so many things happened. they're target for sales (credit card) was only 20, but they managed to get 37 sales! (anak banker bercakap) ;) that was only for gold cards. not including classic cards, loan sales, accounts and other products. i had fun. the kids was crazy. especially those who took part in the rubix cube comp. they completed 2 cubes in less than 5 minutes!!! nenek kau bawak ferrari~ gle la!!! the guy who won 1st prize completed it in less than 3 minutes. nerds la. chinese. as usual. mana pergi semua orang melayu??? layu la.. as always.. *sigh* here are some pictures..

thats abah, uncle Iffil and his wife. he's a great photographer too! check out his flcker

that is my one and only beloved abah! he volunteered for the Quantum Pendant demo cuz he was doubting that thing

this is the rubix cube competition 1st prize winner. nerdy kan~ hehe

this girl was in her own world once she started coloring. after we anounced that the time was up and everone has to pass up their work, she was still in her own world. haha

group photo!! thats abah. squatting far left. this was at 9am!!!

so, everything went well. uncle Iffil asked me to join him on his shooting trips next time. dady said yes BUT depends when. yay!! 2moro is another day and then off to the editing. not that much to edit pown.. then done! payment time bebeh!! need sleep..

ooh! i saw this video of my friends in YOUTUBE.. uploaded by shahril gunter..

tak bleh blah doh budak2 ni. katoon a.k.a fifey (the one in white) was like a dancing praying mantis. wan tonggek (red t-shirt) was so retarded. the whole video mcm bangang sebab suara jess a.k.a jasrizal kuat gila babi. and he was laughing like a babi too. haha. miss them. miss jess and katoon. jess lebih sket. lama sangat tak jumpa!!!

ok then. nak gayut dengan my dead and dried starfish and then im off to sleep.

ciao!

p/s: I LOVE YOU

random

he should've have listen to me. i told him he shouldn't be hanging around those bitches. see what happens now? the damage was HUGE. thus, damage control now is even worse. i warned him that those bitches will bring problems into our lives. into his life. he wouldn't believe me. look what happens. im right. always am. therefore, from this second onwards, i forbid you from having any connection with those slutty bitches. they are stupid and have no values whatsoever. plus, they're ugly. you will never ever again be anywhere near them and you shall leave and walk away from them everytime you see them. they're not worth your time. and mine. you know what, they're just not worth it. they wont take you anywhere except for a place call failure-ville. things are going my way this time.

moving on. i'll have to wake up early 2moro cuz im going for the open day thingy. they need a photographer for the event and they're paying me rm300 for that. cool right? well, its worth it. the wedding photographs are ready. they love my work. thank you. i love the payment. thank you very much. after all this, ill be designing the flyers for sunway and a few more jobs. need to get everything done ASAP cuz im going off to bandung & jakarta. how i wish boyfriend could come along. *sigh* will buy presents for him and a few others. hehe.

p/s: I LOVE YOU

im thinking of moving out of the house this semester itself. but i need housemates. i got the house. a condo actually. the guy is renting it out for quite cheap. i know if i want to, my parents would handle the old house shit. they know how i hate staying there. but i dont want to leave kak meen. its her final semester. maybe i'll just put up with all the drama for 1 more semester and then move out. i need new housemates too! sarah maybe? lou? azza? raihan? c'mon guys. lets plan. the place is a great deal. super! think Liya think! got to move out. got to go away. hate everything.

perbualan lebih dalam.

this is dedicated to the one and only MUHAMMAD HAZWAN BIN SUHAIMI. do understand. i love you.

is your favourite colour blue?

do you always tell the truth?

do you believe in outer space?

im learning you.

is your skin as tan as mine?

does your hair flow sideways?

did someone took a portion of your heart?

im learning you.

and if you dont mind can you tell all your hopes and fears and everything that you believe in.

would you make a difference in the world?

i'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation.

only you can make me.

i've let my guard down for you.

and in time you will too.

and if you dont mind can you tell all your hopes and fears and everything that you believe in.

would you make a difference in the world?

i'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation.

only you can make me.

p/s: I LOVE YOU

terjumpa

i saw a picture of me in someone's blog.. old picture.. hahaha.. thanx for the kudos juboy~!!

CLICK HERE

i am only human

im always told that when you give something to people, you might not get anything in return, give anyway. i did. so many things. and i get so little in return. i am ok with that. its just that sometimes i want to feel special and appreciated. nothing i do is good enough. people always expect more from me. what am i? mutant? cyborg? im only human. i have feelings. im disappointed in myself. im not doing as g ood as im supposed to or expected to. my boyfriend, the one person that i trust and love the most thinks that im noise in a human body. he treats me like a toy. i know i complaint alot and most people would say "if he's gving you so much drama and shit, just leave".. if i wanted to leave, i would have done that a long time ago. why would i wait for 13 months? you think i like the suffering? the pain? i don't. i hate all that. but i love him. so im swallowing and devouring every single bit of it. its painful and shitty but that is life. life and love is not a bed of roses. its painful and complicated. communication helps. but sadly for me, he never wants to talk. he would find so many excuses to avoid talking about serious things. i dont know what to tell him. i dont know what to say to him to make him see that i really love him. i dont know what to do to make him love me as much. i give up. actually, i said that like a million times then i get back up on my feet and try to put it back together. im contradicting my own words. im holding on to this: relationship are like shattered glass. sometimes it is better to leave it then hurting yourself trying to put it back together. but still, im continuing hurting myself constantly trying so hard to put it back together. wait, who am i kidding? we both know that our relationship was based on lies. he lied to me. he pretended to be someone else and i fell in love with that person. he pretended to love me when all he felt was sympathy. there is no love. never was. i tried to let go. i failed. im not strong enough. weird right? im strong enough to put up with all the shit and drama in my life but im weak when it comes to letting go of someone i love. i've lost so many people in my life. i've lost so many things, chances, time and trust. i cant afford to lose him. he is the only one who understands me. ironically, he is also the only one who doesn't get me. if he doesnt come back, i get it. all i can do is just hope that the old 'Liya' will never come back. i hate her. she'll destroy my future if she comes back.

so many shit to deal with. so many things to put up with. so much pain to swallow. so much love to let go. so many memories to forget. so many plans to cancel. too many. solution? one life to end.

p/s: there are 28 letters now. i dont know how much longer i can do this. not this relationship.but this life. I LOVE YOU.

~END~

zZzZzZz...

first of all, happy birthday sarah rahman!! secondly, i hope aisya does well in her interview. i know she will. third, boyfriend really need to know his limits towards fun and enjoyment. get ur lazy ass up and get to work. before i spank you. *wink* i love you. i have nothing to write about. syg, go watch 'its a boy girl thing'... i love you. bye.

its the climb...

this might sound childish and stupid but im gona say it anyway. i love the song "the Climb" by miley cirus. the lyrics are powerful. and somehow it reminds me of aisya. this song is for us, independent, strong and powerful women. enjoy the lyrics.

once a new love

i was going through more old shits and i found something that i wrote more than a year ago. something about him. how i fell in love with him. as i read them again, tears start to fall. why? im not sure. maybe because i miss the feeling i once had. maybe because he doesn't love me anymore. maybe i mean nothing to him anymore. *sigh*

I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE..PEOPLE MIGHT SAY THAT IT WAS TOO FAST OR WHATEVER..BUT DURING THE WHOLE 1 MONTH I'VE SPENT WITH HIM, I GOT TO KNOW HIM VERY WELL.. HE WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY HIS BEST FRIEND WHOM I WAS DATING AT THAT TIME..IT WAS ON THE 17TH APRIL WHEN WE FIRST MET..IT WAS ALSO THE FIRST TIME I MET THE GUY THAT I'VE WAITED FOR 16 MONTHS.. AJIB.. I WAS IN LOVE WHEN WE FIRST MET..HE TREATED ME LIKE A PRINCESS..BUT AS TIME GOES BY, HE CARED LESS ABOUT ME..AND DURING THE WHOLE TIME THAT MY HEART WAS SLOWLY BREAKING, HIS FRIEND WAS THERE BY MY SIDE.. HE GUARDED ME WHEN WE WERE IN A CROWDED PLACE TO PROTECT ME FROM OTHERS..HE HELD MY HAND SO THAT I WON'T GET LOST..HE MADE ME FEEL SAFE WHEN I'M WITH HIM.. EVEN AFTER ALL THE SWEET THINGS HE DID, I WAS STILL WITH AJIB..BUT THEN, EVERY MOMENT WITH AJIB IS SILENTLY KILLING ME FROM INSIDE..MY HEART WAS ACHING AND I COULDN'T BARE THE PAIN ANYMORE..HE PUSHED ME AROUND AND PUSHED ME TO THE GROUND..BUT I DIDN'T HIT ROCK BOTTOM.. SOMEONE WAS THERE WAITING TO BRING ME BACK UP AND STAND ON MY OWN FEET..FROM THAT DAY ONWARDS, I'VE REALISED THAT HE IS MORE THAN A FRIEND OR A BROTHER, HE'S MY GUARDIAN ANGEL..WHEN I WAS DOWN AND NEEDED A HUG, HE HOLDS ME TIGHT AND SHOWERS ME WITH KISSES.. WHEN I'M IN FROWN, HE MAKES ME SMILE AND LAUGH MY SORROWNESS AWAY.. WHEN I WAS SCARED, HE WAS THERE WITH ME MAKING SURE I'M SAFE AND SECURE..WHEN I NEED TO TALK, HE IS ALWAYS THERE LISTENING..EVEN WHEN I'M NOT MAKING ANY SENSE AT ALL, HE WILL BE BY MY SIDE LAUGHING WITH ME..NOT AT ME..HE MAKES ME FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT MYSELF AND AROUND HIM..HE KNOWS HOW I WOULD REACT TO THINGS BEFORE IT HAPPENS.. HE REMEMBERS ALL THE SMALL THINGS AND DETAILS..HE MAKES ME HAPPY TO BE ALIVE..HE COMPLETES ME..I CANT PUT MY HAPPINESS INTO WORDS..IT'S TOO HARD TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL FOR HIM..I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE ACTUALLY IS, BUT I KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING IS TRUE..IF IT'S LOVE, THEN I LOVE YOU MUHAMMAD HAZWAN @ PUTAI..THANK YOU AJIB..IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, WE WOULDN'T BE TOGETHER...

im still waiting for him to text or call. i guess i wont be getting any of it. i guess i'll just do what i do best. wait for him.

i love you b. even if you dont care.

NOT YOUR TOY!!!

he hung up on me again. i told him a zillion times not to do that. he gets on my nerves all the time. yet i love him. he makes me sick and sad, and i still love him. everytime he hung up, i would cry. not anymore. i managed to hold back my tears and go on with what i was doing. which was looking after my sick brother. he can go screw around. i dont care anymore. why should i if he doesnt? im not his girlfriend like he says. im only his toy. the one he plays with when he has nothing else. he's mad at me for wanting to go jakarta with my MOTHER on a BUSINESS TRIP. ridiculous right? i deserve this trip. i deservve this time out. i went through so many things. he put me through so many things. i deserve to unwind and relax. im excited to go. i was asking citra about good places to shop there cuz i had a few things in mind that i want to buy for him. but he's just being a jerk and he loves to make me cry. he enjoys it when im tormented. you know what, enjoy it while you can. i wont be around forever. there are things about me that i hide from everyone. like i said sayang, enjoy hurting me while you can. i wont be around forever. goodbye.

;)

guess what people, i cut myself again. this time, by accident. i stepped on a piece of broken glass. it hurts so bad and the bleeding wouldn't stop. yet, i feel so good about it. somehow it makes me feel calm and peaceful. for a while. i mean, usually i'll cut myself to distract myself from thinking about so many depressing thoughts which are sometimes suicidal. this time, i was so depressed and i accidentally cut myself. how cool is that? finally the world understands me. hahaha. dont get me wrong. this post is a good one. im smiling cuz the world gets me this time. ;)

oh, there's this one bitch who's been using my name in facebook. she sucks. fucked up. screwed up. inferiority complex. i couldnt understand her grammar. she's contradicting her own words. stupid right? i know what she's up to. and i've tracked down where she is. she's just stupid.

i guess im gona have to go watch Drag Me To Hell by myself. rohaya is working. demit. boyfriend xnk tgk. damn.

I QUIT

yes, i quit. quit what? quit everything. i quit from all my jobs. what jobs? gawd! so many questions. i quit from being a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a friend, a student, a photographer, a designer, everything. i quit from being me.

before i go any further, this post goes out to a few people only. not everyone. they are the ones who lied to me. broke so many promises. played me like a toy. never cared about my feelings. never try to understand me. pretend to care. stand by me when im strong and disappear when im weak. these are the people who hurt me all the time. guess what, I QUIT. im out from your life. you like that dont you? have fun. bye.

random facts

Here are some fun facts. remember, they are facts. true facts.

1. in every average chocolate bar, there are 8 insect legs in it.

2. if you are trying to escape from a crocodile's jaw, push your thumbs into its eyeballs. the croc will let you go instantly.

3. humans blink over 10 m illion times a year!

4. sitting too close to the TV will NOT ruin your eyesight

5. A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbook can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court.

6. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

7. Armadillos, opossums, and sloth's spend about 80% of their lives sleeping.

8. The average person has 100,000 hairs on his/her head. Each hair grows about 5 inches (12.7 cm) every year.

9. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

10. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

there you go..cool facts huh?? now you have new things to share with your friends.. thanx to me..hahaha...

cuti-cuti sana-sini

im feeling much better now. not really, but i'll live. anyway, ive promised you that ill tell about my so called honeymoon and im gona upload some photos of them right? here it goes.

i reached sunway at around 2pm. before that i dropped by at tita's house for lunch. after checking in, i took a shower, freshen up and got ready to go out. where? pyramid la. where else. aisya was waiting for me there. we're meeting up cuz im picking my t-shirt. funny. she was like, "im at the lagoon, there's a coffee shop here." i figured out it was J.Co and after a while, she text me again. "oh, its J.Co.. haha" bleh tahan gak blur die ni.. before i got to her, boyfriend arrived. met up with him first, then we both went to see aisya. we lepak for quite a long time while waiting for adeq and the rest of the gang to find their way out from the lagoon. no, they weren't lost. they just lost track of time. haha. after that, we went shopping. wait, my lovely boyfriend went shopping. i was just helping him choose. money well spent. ;) then we headed for subway. i was starving. the next day we just hang in the room and went swimming. we didnt dare to go to the lagoon due to the heat wave. im not risking myself to another fever. no way hozay. then we went out for makan. Nando's! finally i get to eat them. been craving for a long time. asal nk pegi, ade je halangan. we ordered 3 set of 1/4 chickens. hehe. kenyang!!! then we went for a movie. pastu back to the hotel room. 

 

 

 

that's my new bikini. the guy is my love, my apek and my heartbeat. that's the t-shirt i bought from aisya.

oh, last night i went to Sunway Hotel Penang. my mom was sick. so i went on her behalf. it was the F&B trainee party. good thing  have friends working there. haha. ooh!! i was one of the lucky draw winners. guess what i won??

L-R: Linda, Julian, Shaq, Citra, Roro, Myself

yes people.. i won a  face towel. a Carlsberg face towel. its green! hehe.

for more pictures, check out my facebook aite people!!!