once a new love

i was going through more old shits and i found something that i wrote more than a year ago. something about him. how i fell in love with him. as i read them again, tears start to fall. why? im not sure. maybe because i miss the feeling i once had. maybe because he doesn't love me anymore. maybe i mean nothing to him anymore. *sigh*

I'VE FOUND A NEW LOVE..PEOPLE MIGHT SAY THAT IT WAS TOO FAST OR WHATEVER..BUT DURING THE WHOLE 1 MONTH I'VE SPENT WITH HIM, I GOT TO KNOW HIM VERY WELL.. HE WAS INTRODUCED TO ME BY HIS BEST FRIEND WHOM I WAS DATING AT THAT TIME..IT WAS ON THE 17TH APRIL WHEN WE FIRST MET..IT WAS ALSO THE FIRST TIME I MET THE GUY THAT I'VE WAITED FOR 16 MONTHS.. AJIB.. I WAS IN LOVE WHEN WE FIRST MET..HE TREATED ME LIKE A PRINCESS..BUT AS TIME GOES BY, HE CARED LESS ABOUT ME..AND DURING THE WHOLE TIME THAT MY HEART WAS SLOWLY BREAKING, HIS FRIEND WAS THERE BY MY SIDE.. HE GUARDED ME WHEN WE WERE IN A CROWDED PLACE TO PROTECT ME FROM OTHERS..HE HELD MY HAND SO THAT I WON'T GET LOST..HE MADE ME FEEL SAFE WHEN I'M WITH HIM.. EVEN AFTER ALL THE SWEET THINGS HE DID, I WAS STILL WITH AJIB..BUT THEN, EVERY MOMENT WITH AJIB IS SILENTLY KILLING ME FROM INSIDE..MY HEART WAS ACHING AND I COULDN'T BARE THE PAIN ANYMORE..HE PUSHED ME AROUND AND PUSHED ME TO THE GROUND..BUT I DIDN'T HIT ROCK BOTTOM.. SOMEONE WAS THERE WAITING TO BRING ME BACK UP AND STAND ON MY OWN FEET..FROM THAT DAY ONWARDS, I'VE REALISED THAT HE IS MORE THAN A FRIEND OR A BROTHER, HE'S MY GUARDIAN ANGEL..WHEN I WAS DOWN AND NEEDED A HUG, HE HOLDS ME TIGHT AND SHOWERS ME WITH KISSES.. WHEN I'M IN FROWN, HE MAKES ME SMILE AND LAUGH MY SORROWNESS AWAY.. WHEN I WAS SCARED, HE WAS THERE WITH ME MAKING SURE I'M SAFE AND SECURE..WHEN I NEED TO TALK, HE IS ALWAYS THERE LISTENING..EVEN WHEN I'M NOT MAKING ANY SENSE AT ALL, HE WILL BE BY MY SIDE LAUGHING WITH ME..NOT AT ME..HE MAKES ME FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT MYSELF AND AROUND HIM..HE KNOWS HOW I WOULD REACT TO THINGS BEFORE IT HAPPENS.. HE REMEMBERS ALL THE SMALL THINGS AND DETAILS..HE MAKES ME HAPPY TO BE ALIVE..HE COMPLETES ME..I CANT PUT MY HAPPINESS INTO WORDS..IT'S TOO HARD TO DESCRIBE HOW I FEEL FOR HIM..I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE ACTUALLY IS, BUT I KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING IS TRUE..IF IT'S LOVE, THEN I LOVE YOU MUHAMMAD HAZWAN @ PUTAI..THANK YOU AJIB..IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, WE WOULDN'T BE TOGETHER...

im still waiting for him to text or call. i guess i wont be getting any of it. i guess i'll just do what i do best. wait for him.

i love you b. even if you dont care.