Maizatul Jasmeen @ Kak Meen

To My Dearest Beloved Kak Meen,

Honestly, i miss you. alot. loads of shits happened between us. we got through so many of them and now, more shits are coming our way. i am sick and tired of it. i messed up. you messed up. we both screwed things up as i see it. but im gona make the first move to apologize for everything and since its raya, forgive me for everything i've said and done that might have hurt you or caused you pain. i love you as a sister. as far as i am concerned, you are never my friend or housemate. you are my elder sister. i know i screwed up here and there, but you know me right? like what you said, knowing me and my bullshits kan? just to let you know, i might have lied about a few things, but i never meant to hurt you. and i never lied when i said i love you. i miss haveing those nights where we'll talk about everything. i miss laughing our ass off on something stupid. i miss the way you're always able to finish off my sentences. i miss it when you can read my mind. most of all, i miss you. i know things will never be the same again between us. i even understand if we wont even be talking to each other. but i want you to remember that if you ever need anything, i am always here for you no matter what. you're always gona be my kak meen and you will always have that special place in my heart and life. thank you for tolerating me and all my bullshits after so long. thank you for keeping up with my attitude. thank you for being such a wonderful listener. thank you for always giving me a shoulder to cry on. thank you for being a great sister. thank you for always backing me up and having my back when everyone was bringing me down. thank you for being you. im sorry for always giving you headaches. sorry for always making you worried. sorry for always leaving the room in a mess. sorry for lying to you. sorry for making you feel bad. sorry for not being at home most of the time. sorry for being such a crappy adik.

On this glorious occasion, i hope you are feeling good and happy with your loved ones. i wish you all the good things in life and may you be at the top of your health all the time. Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin.. Halalkan segala makan, minum, duit and anything that you have given me. Thank you for everything kak meen.

p/s: I LOVE YOU

*sigh*

its been along time since i wrote something in here. so many thigs have changed. too many. well, im single now. life is great. i miss feeling free like this. i do miss him sometimes. but, what the hell, he left me. not the other round. he made up his mind and im just living my life. =)

so many new relationships developed. some got better and some got worse. i dont give a damn. my life anyway. my relationship with man grew stronger. he understands what im going through. such a great friend / brother. love him. me and naqie? no more. the brotherhood..well, lets just say im a sister now. =)

i grew closer to ayie. love her. im losing so much weight due to too much party.. hahaha.. still looking good. no worries. assignments are going great.. long story short, im loving my life now..

i wont be updating much cuz im busy with other things. anyway, raya is coming up. cant wait. (yea right)

ciao!

i deserve better

someone told me that he misses the old me. well, that someone also once said that people change all the time. guess what. i was the same girl while you were changing into some guy that destroyed everything i ever worked for. thank you. you made me into who i am today. if you say i am ice-cold now, its because of you. i gave you my heart, you chose to break it. i gave you my life, you wasted it. i gave you my trust, you betrayed it. i gave you my love and attention, you took it for-granted. this is what you get for all that you give. im not saying that i dont love you anymore. its just that sometimes i feel sick of giving and just watching you taking everything. sucking to the last drop of whatever i have to give. you never really show your appreciation. that is a huge mistake. i've been telling you for so long that your time is running out but you wouldn't listen. now you are doing this. im not gona be the girl who cries and call you a thousand times just to make everything OK again. i just wont. im tired. i deserve something better than this. if yo're not planning on giving more, than you can go. i wont stop you. you're call. just so you know, im not wasting even a single drop of tear for you anymore. for what you're giving me, its not worth it. think about it.

so, i wont be going to perhentian with them. its gona be waste of money. spending so much for only 1 day at the beach. why im not going? i cant go with them cuz they're going on the 5th. i have my interview at Blu Inc Media on the 6th. that is waaayyy more important than perhentian. seriously. they're having they're sem break so its ok for them. im in the middle of my semester and this sem, its critical. cant afford to screw up. i need to get my grades back up. oh, Hakim scored a 4.0 GPA for his previous semester. awesome right?? he is smart. if something goes wrong, that means he's just lazy. haha. anyway, chilling was superb!!! before that i was at a PP in a'famosa organized by the BC's..hehe.. i didnt sleep and at 6am, i drove to ss2 to meet up with the boys and go mandi sungai!! woot~!! i love it. i love those kinds of things. hehe. tu la hadi and putai said im a dude..hahaha pictures will be in my facebook. go check 'em out yea? the weekend was fun and super tiring. oh well, worth it. im going back to PJ on thursday morning for my interview with Blu Inc Media and then lepak with the boys.. woot~ woot~

damn you

my whole happy weekend just gone crashing. thanx!

updates for you stalkers out there.

1. Alhamdulillah, mama is healthy again. the surgery went well. talked to her just now. as usual, being the normal OCD mother that she is, she reminded me to take my antibiotics 6 times in one short phone call. haha. you should be resting la ma.. think about your health tu dulu. baru pikir nak bising2 kat acik.hehe. miss you, love you banyak2!!

2. My prayers are with Yasmin Ahmad who is on life support now. hope she'll get well soon. our nation cant afford to lose such a great and inspirational mind like her.

3. Im back in my house in LENDU!! damn you melaka. haha. yes people, im alone. i know that class is starting on monday but i have a shit-load of work to be done. and yes, the doctor gave me MC smpai early August. over kan? thanx to H1N1 for it. haha. im healthy again, why waste time btol tak? plus, my friends will be performing at Lepaq Bazaar on Saturday and i cant afford to miss it. Bedah dah banyak kali bising cuz i didnt show up for so many of her performances and she's starting her tour end of this month. so tak dapat la jmpa sangat nanti. bedah amik cuti sem this semester. see you next sem ye bedah. ;) Abg Achot pun perform gak nanti. hope kak lidya will be there too. i didnt get to go to their wedding. huhu. Casey's Last Ride pun ada!! yeah, cinta lama..khidir @ Kid @ amak..hehe.. yes, together with jurasila..hehehe..not sure if asila will be there to support her boyfie cuz i think she's still in Brunei.. well, Jura, im gona be there with my handycam as promised okay buddy?? have fun performing nanti.. oh! maybe my along pun will be joining gak.. ( i miss abg bobo, i dont know why, but i miss him..hehe)

4. I dont know what to do tonight cuz im effing alone!! wait, miki and fili kan ade..hehehe.. im gona raid those gay's house later..hahaha guys, tolong la lepak with me tonite or ill die alone.. si kacak rumah sebelah pun xde..if tak leh shisha..huhu..

5. Nothing else to say.. heee.. ;)

Lya - OUT!

To mama... I LOVE YOU

i was going through some of my friend's blogs.. then i realize, i've been complaining way too much.. how can i be so blind.. i've been lucky for so long.. see, i have my mother.. my crazy-OCD mother..haha (she laughs everytime i call her that) somehow, i never really showed her that i love her and appreciate everything that she does for me.. she gave up her whole life for her children.. especially me..i know that for a fact.. i've been jealous of my friends and sometimes say that they are so much luckier than me.. guess what liya, you were blind!! stupid!! look around you.. my friends lost their mother.. some seperated, and some, well, lets just say Death took them.. i still have my mother with me..in fact, my whole family is still together.. i know sometimes she made decisions for me that ended up with something i dont like.. but hey, look at where i am now.. she made me this way.. i should thank her.. i wouldnt be standing here if it wasnt for her.. she gave me everything that i need..no, MORE than what i actually need.. she gave me a luxurious life at the same time teaching me about life the hard way.. if i dont complaint too much, maybe i would have the room to see that all she is trying to do is just to prepare me for a lifetime ahead of me.. she wouldnt be around all the time, right? somehow im crying while writing this.. damn. i fight with her all the time. i make fun of her, laugh at her and laugh with her all the time too.. we cant help it..we need to fight and argue..haha..its a weird way of bonding..lol.. anyway, i always tell her to give up on trying to win in arguements with me cuz its like talking to a mirror.. yes mama, im ur reflection..haha..im turning out to be just like you kan ma? im proud of that. i know i said that i hate you and we fight all the time.. i just want you to know that deep down inside me, you're my idol.. the only one i look up to. nobody can ever top you in my life. nobody. i just wish and really hoping that i will turn out to be like you. pray for me k mama? you're in the hospital right now. waiting for surgery. preparing yourself. i know that by now, you're probably telling yourself everything will be ok. you're talking to yourself kan? hehe. i know you. trust me ma, the surgery will go well and you'll be up and running again in no time. well, not running la cuz u wont even jog. pemalas. haha. ok, you'll be up and ready for you OCD rituals again. hehe. i know its just a small and minor surgery, but i cant help feeling scared. i love you. i need you to know that. i need you to know that im sorry for all the harsh things that came out from my stupid mouth and all the rude behavior and everything lah..im sorry..

ma, acik sayang mama. mama ingat tu tau. memang kadang2 acik suka cari pasal dengan mama, tapi acik bukan tak sayang mama. mama tu yang garang sangat. suka marah tak tentu pasal. sebab tu la acik kata mama ni my crazy OCD mother. :) mama jangan takut tau, acik tau mama takut. sebab tu mama tak bagi acik or adik ikot abah pi tengok mama kat hospital kan? mama x payah takot. mama kuat la. macam2 mama dah buat. acik tau mama mesti ok punya. acik nak mintak ampun sebab acik kena balik melaka hari ni. mama surgery hari ni tapi acik kena balik. acik ada banyak kerja nak kena buat. sori ma.. sori sangat2.. tapi acik dah mintak izin mama nak bertolak hari ni kan? mama pun dah cakap OK. nanti acik sampai acik bagitau abah. acik tak speed kali ni. promise. acik bawak slow2. acik rindu mama. x sempat nak peluk ma sebelum ma pi hospital haritu. :'( nanti after surgery, mama dh sedar nanti ma call acik tau. acik tunggu. tadi kan kita dah sms. acik tunggu k? ma, memang acik nampak macam acik yang paling keras dalam family kita. to be honest, its just a cover up. i dont want people to see me vulnerable. ego acik ja tinggi. i can do anything as long as i put my mind to it. you know that kan ma? memang acik kuat. macam mama jugak. tapi, just like yourself, i cry when im alone. yes, i do cry. i just dont let people see me crying. i want to make people happy. thats my mission in life. tp kan ma, acik sayang orang, buat baik kat orang, orang lansung tak appreciate. mama dengan abah slalu pesan, treat people as how you want to be treated. but they never treat me like how i treat them. i guess people are still blindkan ma? biar la. janji acik tau acik tak salah. yang penting, acik nak make mama, abah, along and adik proud of me. acik tak kisah apa orang lain nak cakap. biar la. ill prove to you one day that im worth something, i can be someone, i will make my mark in this life. i'll live further up than people's expactations of me. and i'll do all that for you mama. for our family. just like how you do everything for our family. i love you ma. so much.

crap

im back at home. down with fever. H1N1 maybe. *sigh* my campus will be closed for the whole week. no fun at all. im sick. canceled cherating, wasted 5 tickets to shout awards, cant do anything. im sick of fighting with him. he gets on my nerves. i love him but i guess love does not pull through everything right? he's a grown up. he should be able to think. AKU DAH MALAS NAK FIKIR SAL KAU DAN ORANG LAIN. PEGI MATI.

dearest friends, aya.. hope ur sickness is getting better.. one thing i must tell you, if people won't fight to stand up for your relationship, be it friendship or love..then that person is not worth your time. kalau dia tak sanggup nk fight, xyah kesah dh sal orang tu. u will always have me and naza. i've been fighting my whole life. you know that. still there are people who never appreciates me. lantak dia. diorg yg rugi, bukan kita. ok?

i just found out that bedah will be taking a semester off to focus on her singing career. she got a contract with DiGi..go bedah!! good for you. i'll be waiting next semester for you babe..you have me and azza..ngee~~

im gonna be back on the market soon people. que up! who's next on my list?? hahaha.. oh yeah, he needs to get his act together real fast if he wants me to stay. cuz im slipping away. pronto. woot!!!

sayonara suckers!!!