*sigh*

people. im back. the short trip to KL was fun. i miss him already. but im not in a good mood right now. ill write later and upload photos. when im feeling better. not now. see you.

i so hate myself right now. life is so freakin unfair. fuck.

random

today was nothing much. boyfriend cut his hair. hope he looks ok. die ckp mcm bdak skolah. damn. im super excited. driving to KL 2moro with along, haqim, mama and aniq. yes. the best and the most annoying cousin ever. my big brother. he's finally coming along on my crazy trips. mama is having her meetings. yang lain tu menyibuk je. aniq's birthday is coming up. we're celebrating it there. and fatin's model search thingy. good luck to her. she's pretty. she'll be fine i guess.

oh! about the kuatberlakon contest. faiz said the link was not working. here, try this --> VOTE

i checked and he is currently at #5.. keep voting  my dear friends!!

b, u pon kena vote!!! faiz ni ex-YDP masscomm k.. the best ever!!! die bnyk tolong i kt campus.. klau u syg i, u vote! hehe..

tido-tido!!! sok nk drive.. goodnite..

peace

p/s: i love you

VOTE for DICKIE!!!

senior kesayanganku, nasrul faiz joined the competition kuat berlakon by afdlin shauki. since i love him so much and i want him to win, please vote for him~!!! how?? click here --> VOTE 

good luck dickie!! ill vote everytime i go online..

Killjoy

today was no fun. i went all the way to buy what his cousin asked for. irmi helped carried the things. thanx. sent him back home, i went home. got into a huge fight. i cried and made myself looked ugly. he still doesnt care. sometimes i feel like letting go of everything and just let myself slip away. maybe im not good enough for him. maybe i should let him free. then maybe he'll find someone thats better than me and could make him happy. but i cant breathe thinking about life without him. i am currently 99% suicidal. everyone is sleeping. i have a kitchen knife in my hand for some weird reasons. i am trembling with fear and sadness. im on the edge of breaking down. when i do, things wont be so pretty. i gave everything i could to everyone. it wasnt enough. never is. never will be. i dont fit in. never did. never will. maybe i should just make way for new life. do you know how to do that? no? this explains it. death open up ways for new life. how i interpret that? kill myself, someone else would live. maybe that person deserves it more and maybe that person will live it way better than me. wait and see. im not sure if he still reads my blog. just a test. b, if u baca blog i, make a random phone call to my celcom number and tell me something that you read / saw in my blog. *sigh* i dont think he does. i pour out my feelings here. if he does, he should understand how i feel. dah la. sedih lama2 sorg2 pon tak jadi apa2. baik buat something. 

oh! thanx to those people who said will always be there when i need someone to talk to. you guys are NEVER there. thank you very much. im depressed. its your fault.

peace

p/s: I ALWAYS LOVE YOU

insomnia

guess what. its almost 5am and im still here. cant sleep. kept thinking about him. and everything else. i was at the edge just now. ili said something that made me felt a bit better. i still cant let go of what happened. call me OCD. i dont care. i am obsessed about him. i love him. i was going through pictures and editing some of them cuz i wana blow them up and print them as a gift for my whole family. then i saw these.

see this? this was the first night i met all of them. i went to meet up with ajib. the guy standing behind me. we were together back then. but look at this. who was i sitting on? yes. exactly. it was like it was already written that we're gona be together. he took care of me most of the time we hang out. that ajib guy was always pre-occupied with something else.

 

 

look at these photos. we had so much fun. the first 2 was in Genting. the last 2 was in Tg.Bidara during fasting month! haha. yeah, they sent me back to melaka cuz i almost got into a car crash. thanx againakim and edi. anyway, my point is that no matter how badly we fight, we're perfect for each other. he is my other half. he completes me. just look at my smiles in those pictures. those weren't fake. i came from my heart. i forgot how it feels like right now. i just want that feeling back. thats all.

i love you sayang.

i miss you very much.

peace

random

1. Besides your lips, where is the favorite spot to get kissed?
~my forehead

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning?
yay! Kellie's Castle!!!

3. Who was the last person/people you took a photo with?
~along

4. Would you consider yourself spoiled?
~yes..

5. Will you ever donate blood?
~im underweight..i cant donate

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was the opposite sex?
~yes..dont know what happened to the friendship

7. Do you want someone to be dead?
~oh! there are so many people that i hate, and i want them dead

8. What does your last text message say?
~if you dont call in the  next 5 minutes, ill take it as a goodbye

9. What are you thinking right now?
~Muhammad Hazwan bin Suhaimi and the fact that he's not here

10. Do you want someone to be with you right now?
~desperately..YES...

11. What was the time you went to bed last night?
~4am

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now?
~i didnt buy this..KOLAH yg kasi baju ni...

13. Is someone on your mind right now?
~yes..PUTAI

14. Who was the last person who text you?
~HOTLINK

Ten lucky person to do this quiz:
1.aisya

2.tia

3.dabuldahi @ hadi

4.faiz fuad

5.faiz KOMED!

6.firas

7.tasnim lokman

8.eleen (xtau eja)

9.bryan

10.ain @bedah

15. Who is no.2 having relationship with?
~she was with hakim..they look good together..*sigh*

16. Is no.3 a male or a female?
~jinatang jantan..MALE

17. If no.7 and no.1 get together , would it be a good?
~i think they do now each other..i bet it'd be good! they'd PARTY!!!

18. What is no.1 studying about?
~she's a mass comm diploma graduate from KDU

19. When was the last time you chatted with them?
~dont know..you can call me DORY...

20. Is no.4 single?
~not sure..he didnt say anything about a girl.. hmm..

21. Say something about no.2
~KDU mass comm student

22. What do you think about no.2 and no.6 being together?
~WHAT DA FUCK?!! NEVER.. he's too young!!! and she's NOT a pedophile

23. Describe no.9
~the hottest DIVA in UiTM Melaka!!!

24. What will you do if no.6 and no.7 fight?
~why would they fight? they dont even know each other..

25. Do you like no.8?
~never met her..i think she's abg eddy's lil sister..

>NOW, YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED! YOUR TURN!!<

awesome

Kellie's Castle was BEAUTIFUL!!! i want a house, i mean a mansion like that. Sir William Kellie Smith wanted to build that mansion for his family. the workers died out of Spanish influenza. so did he. he died on the way to Portugal. his wife sold the land to some other guy. well, all that does not matter. the real thing that matters is, that building is unfinished and yet it is so damn bloody beautiful. im not going to upload all the pictures here or in my facebook. but there'll be more in my facebook compared to here in my blog. ;) here's a picture of me and my family..

what a nice family photo huh?? remember the song family potrait?? yeah, think about that while looking at this.. *sigh*

2moro is karaoke night with the family. gathering and shit. steambot. nasib baik food sedap, klau tak, harapan la aku nak dok umah.. i dont enjoy this crap that much. i just want to go out on some adventure with my dad. thats all. oh, i bought a new bikini today. tak sengaja. hehehe. Sunway Lagoon, im coming. wait for me. ish, teringat kt apek tu. im fighting with him. right this moment, he is there doing something i clearly said NO to. fuck it. he doesnt care. why should i. if anything bad were to happen, his life is getting screwed, NOT mine. im doing fine thank you very much. i wonder. is he faking it? he lied about so many things. i wonder if he is even real. i mean, he is obviously a good liar. i can usually see through people. not him. i saw what he shows, or potrays. oh, screw him. i know one day im gona look at him and say "i told you so".. that happened so many times already. he never gets it. never. lantak la. your life. im doing well with mine. i try to help you. but if you DONT WANT TO HELP YOURSELF, there's nothing i can do about it.

peace

p/s: I STILL LOVE YOU... though im kinda sick of you now, i still do.

L O V E

I found these pictures of us in my old blog. i deleted everything when he left me. yeah, thousands of pictures. *sigh* well, at least i have the ones we took in PD. our vacation. loved it. it was nothing much. but i love it. now that we're back together, i regret deletinig every effin thing. damn you stupid break up. doesnt matter now. im in love.

kantoi abes that he is freakin VAIN!!! hahaha.. 

i should be in bed now. wait, i need to check on a few things.

1. charged my camera

2. emptied the flash card

3. pack for road trip

4. sleep early

well, obviously ive failed the 4th one. haha. yeah! Kellie's Castle, here i come!

peace.