the day before 'the' day

today was no fun at all. my cousins were here. it wass supposed to be exciting since it has been a long time since i last saw them. but the thing is now, i couldn't get my mind off of the fact that he is in there. i feel awful. i am out here eating good food, wear comfortable clothes, and i get to do what i want without people watching over me. he is in there stuck between four walls with lousy food and everything. i feel bad and im scared for him. im worried that he's not ok in there. food was tasteless today. not because of the cooking. but i spaced out that i couldnt even taste what i was eating. sleep was 'wonderful'. i kept thinking about him. fuck. i've been texting with his sister and she said she'll let me know and keep me updated. 2moro is the day. we'll find out what happens 2moro. i hope everything will turn out good. i want him to be out here with me.

sayang, im so sorry. i never imagined that things will turned out like this. all you wanted was for me to have fun. the cupcakes and all. it was awesome. im grateful to have you. im sorry that you're going thru all this by yourself. if i could be there by your side, i would. i'll sit beside you not leaving you even for a second. i love you sayang. really. with all my heart. you dont know how much you mean to me. i really hope that when all of this is over, things will change back to the way it was. at the same time, i hope we both will learn from this. i love you b.

my bandung trip is postponed..again.. all because of H1N1 crap. damn u mutated swine flu. i might cancel the whole thing. im not really in the mood to be anyway further from him. i want to be as close to him as possible. im getting jobs from my parents. lame huh? quite cool actually. designing pamphlets and flyers for the hotel and my dad's event in june. also, ill be taking pictures during the event. 2 hours for RM350. that's cool rite? i need more jobs please. im getting bored with my holidays. i want new books to read and stuff to do. OR give me putai and everything will be ok. fuck it. im too in love with him. thats dangerous. lets talk about something else k? although i know someway somehow it will be about putai in the end, but lets just try to talk about something else. hmm... oh, i need to call my IT doctor about my ram. and im thinking of getting an EVO8 for myself too.. penTIRU..haha.. eh, dh la.. ngarut je.

Sayang, i hope you're ok. i'll be waiting for you like i always do sayang. im right here and im not moving. i'll always be right here for you. i've always love you and i will always love you. nothing can ever shake this feeling and nothing can come between us. im always praying for you sayang. i love you and im missing you so much. life is not worth living without you and my life is a living hell without you. come back quick. i  need you.

p/s: I LOVE YOU