I know...

i know im not ur girlfriend. i know we broke  up. i know things are different. i know i dont matter that much to you anymore. im not important and special to you anynmore. im not the one you  cherish. im not the one you care about the most. im not the one you want to be with anymore. i know all that. but do you have to treat me like dirt? i know for a fact that besides your family, im the one who is worried sick about you. i can bet that none, absolutely none of your friends were worried about you like i was. and absolutely none of your friends care about you half as much as i do. you dont have to keep reminding me. i know where i stand. i know all you are giving me now are just plain empty promises and false hopes. i know you'll never come back to me. i know im waiting for something that will never come. i know that the ending i want will never come true but instead, i'll get more pain in the end. i know i was never good enough and ill never be good enough for you. i know im just a kampung girl who does not fit in with your cool friends and lifestyle. i know im just a loser-nerd who thinks too much about the future and doesnt know how to have fun. i know that to you, im good for nothing. i know a lot of things. things that hurt me the most. but somehow, i choose to stay here and still wait for you. although i know you're not coming back, im still waiting. im stupid right? im hopeless. hopelessly in love with you. i know that you're giving me false hopes, but somehow im still holding on to them. silly me.

im glad that you're finally out and changing. i wish that i could take all your pain and trauma, and put it on me instead. i want you to always be happy. i have a strong feeling tha you will change. but into someone so different that there will be no more space for me at all in your life. i can see you turning into one of them. im nobody against them. im just a small town kampung girl kan? remember? i dont know anything and i dont own anything cool. im sure you won't have space for me anymore right? if thats going to happen anytime soon, ill just go with it. ill live and take everyday as it comes while holding on to all our memories together. ill never let go. never. people can say im stupid for holding on false hopes and empty promises. they dont understand. thats all i have. thats all that you're giving me. thats all i can take. so ill take them and hold on to them. though its killing me slowly, im living with it. i choose to. 

i can live without you, but... without you ill be miserable at best......

p/s: I LOVE YOU